This wasn’t what I wanted to right about ,but it is what I need to right about.
STRESS & ANXIETY
Today I will have to sit in front of a non medically trained person who works for the government, at the jobcentre. The thing is, they will decide if I am going to be entitled to employment support allowance.
Well recently I was released from my role as an administrator for our wonderful NHS, a job I loved, but a job I was no longer able to carry on with my duties, due to y prolonged ill health.
So what happened was, that in June last year my health took a bit of a nosedive, initially caused by an adverse reaction to one of my medications, as a consequence of this I was signed off work by my doctor. Now although the new medication seems to be working with no side effects, my health has not improved to to point it was, and so after a yearof being signed off work. I have had to leave my job.
I live with several long term health conditions that I live with (Fibromyalgia, type 2 diabetes, asthma, Osteoperosis, Oesophagial spasms, an egg allergy, and an auto immune disorder) I also have mobility issues and I’m classed as disabled.
These conditions have been diagnosed and confirmed by doctors, consultants, and specialists in there fields. I have nowbeen signed off from working indefinitely.
For me this is history repeating itself, as this scenario happened to me 7 years ago, only then the doctors told me it was unlikely I would ever work again. For 4 years I didn’t work and I didn’t receive a penny in benefits, and didnt receive any assistance or help from our welfare services.
Then out of the blue I was given a second chance and returned to part time employment, I worked at this company for a year, it was fantastic, they were very supportive and understanding about my needs, but towards the end of that year, my health started affecting the physical side of working again.
But as they say when one door closes another door opens, and that’s what happened, I was offered the job with the NHS.
Fast forward to today. The appointment
I have filled out the 20 page questionnaire, I have my 3 forms of identification, I have an up to sick note, I have my final payslip, my P60, my P45, proof of the statutary sick pay I received whilst in work, and proof of my company pension. I have stress & anxiety levels that are through the roof and are making me feel shittier than I normally do.
What don’t I have?
I don’t have confidence in this government department treating me fairly, I don’t have confidence that the person interviewing me will carry out his duties without bias and prejudice. I have no faith or trust in the system that is in place as a safety net for those who need it.
The reason why I feel this way, well in all my dealings with this government department over the last seven years I have been treated badly, they made me feel like a scrounger & a fraud. Even though the doctor’s and I know I’m not. I have been made to feel like I am begging for what I am entitled to, after all I have paid into the system through my national insurance contributions over the last 41 years.
I hope I am wrong, I shouldn’t be getting stressed or anxious about what may or may not happen, I know that I shouldn’t allow what ifs to affect me so badly. I should be positive and confident, but I can’t and until this appointment is over I know these thoughts and feelings of dread will not change.