​My first short story

so I started my creative writing course last week. This is my first short story.

the brief we had was a man tells his wife he is leaving because he has a terminal illness, and it’s there 35th wedding anniversary.

My daughter thinks I’ve watched to much Mindhunter.

if you like it, give me some feedback, if you hate it give me some feedback, all feedback is appreciated

Goodnight Sweetheart by Gary Oldmeadow

        In a week’s time, John and his childhood sweetheart Stella, should be celebrating 35 happy years of marriage.

Now John was a guy who’d do anything for anybody, he was seen as a fair, honest guy who loved his wife, and his job. He worked as a scene of crime officer for the Metropolitan Police, and was considered to be one of the best in his field

Stella, John’s wife was a beautiful woman and well liked. She loved working as a volunteer at the local ‘Cancer Research Charity Shop’, at weekends she would help out by volunteering as a befriender at the local Hospital in the mornings. She was definitely what you would call a people person.

Tonight, John had finished work late at the crime lab, which in itself wasn’t that unusual, as there was a big case on at the moment. The person they were after was a serial killer who removed the liver from each of the victims, the police think the killer is eating the livers none were found. He took the tube home as usual, as his house was only a short walk from the station. With all that was going on at work, his health issues, and his anniversary just around the corner, it meant he had a lot on his mind, and, he knew he would be delivering some devastating news to Stella, which would destroy her world.

Two weeks previous to tonight, John had gone to get the results for his yearly police medical. He knew the doctor he was seeing, a Dr Jim Steven’s, Jim was a good guy, always had a smile on his face, but told it to you straight.

So today as John walked into the examination room, he knew something was up. Jim, was sitting behind his desk, and he nurse standing beside Jim was desperately trying to avoid making eye contact with John

‘Hi John, take a seat’.

John sat down; a feeling of dread washed over him.

Jim was silent for what seemed like an eternity.

‘I’m sorry John, it’s not the news you were hoping for, the MRI you had last week, has shown you have a large mass in your brain, a tumour’.

‘Cancer, you mean I have cancer don’t you Jim. Can anything be done? How long do I have?’

John sat in silence, he seemed to be looking right through Jim.

Jim turned to the nurse and told her to go and get John a glass of water from the kitchen, she left feeling relieved at being able to get away, she hated these moments.

‘Yes, it’s cancer’ was Jim’s reply ‘and due to where it’s positioned, it’s inoperable’, Jim paused for a moment. ‘It’s terminal John, the scans show you have week’s rather than months left, go home and talk to Stella, you have a lot to discuss, I’ll wait for you to get your affairs in place before I contact your inspector’.

Without another word John got up and left . He didn’t go straight home though, instead he walked around the streets for hours. The following day John went into work, to but told nobody about the tumour…

The noises and smell’s of the city that night brought John back from his thoughts of the last two weeks, he was sitting in the bus shelter opposite his house.

After sitting for a while, he crossed the street to his house. He was about to put the key in the door, when it opened and there holding the rubbish bag was his beautiful Stella.

‘Hello love’. He said, ‘let me take that for you’.

Stella kissed him and gave him the bag.

‘I’ll make you a cuppa and warm your dinner in the microwave’. She turned and went back into the kitchen.

John put the rubbish in the bin, paused for a moment, then he pulled himself together then went indoors, in the kitchen Stella stood with her back to him, she was humming a tune whilst finishing making his cuppa.

‘So how was your day? It was so good at the charity shop this afternoon, I do so love volunteering there, you get to meet so many interesting people, there I go again chattering on, anyway as I was asking, how was your day?’.

Listening to Stella talking made him feel more relaxed, it always did. He loved the sound of her voice

‘Work was ok’. He said ‘I’ll really miss it though; you see I’m leaving’

‘What do you mean you’re leaving John? why?’

Stella looked worried; how can this be happening? She thought.

John looked deep into the eyes of the woman he loved, he had just sent her world crashing around her, he pulled her into his arms and kissed her forehead. He could feel her hot tears on his chest, as he held her tight and whispered that everything would be alright.

‘It’s over Stella, everything is over. you see two weeks ago I was told I had a brain tumour that’s killing me, I know I should have told you then, but I couldn’t, there were too many loose ends at work that needed fixing, and they’ll know what’s happened by morning, just believe me when I say that none of what’s happened is your fault’.

‘It all started because of feelings I had for other women, though I only ever loved you, I couldn’t bring myself to cheat on you, so I had to remove temptation, I killed them, and ate there livers, they’re what caused the cancer. Stella I’m the serial killer the police are looking for, my job has made it easy for me to cover my tracks, but now it’s all over and it’s time to say goodbye my darling’

John lowered Stella’s limp body to the floor her blood pooling from the knife he had pushed into her heart.

‘I’m sorry sweetheart, forgive me, I couldn’t face leaving this world without you, we’ll be together soon’.

 

take care

Gary x

Archery sunday

So on Saturday  I was in an extremely good mood, West Ham United FC won 3-1 away to Watford FC, oh yeah, and I was asked if I would like to go along to watch an archery competition at the club I have joined on Sunday morning.

The type of  competition they were running  is called a “Short Western”  there were 10 archers taking part, 2 per target. The targets are  set at a distance of  50 yards, each archer then has to shoot a total of 4 dozen arrows, over 8 rounds, each round is 6 arrows.

A small sticker is also placed on the outer black ring and one on the inner red ring of the target. Once they have shot there first 48 arrows at 50 yds, they each get to soot one more arrow, and closest to the sticker wins a medal.

Then it’s time for a barbecue lunch, a chat and a laugh.

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The archey range @ Worthing Archery Club.

So with lunch  over, the archers have to shoot again at 40 yards. At the end the scores are added, handicaps are applied and the medals are handed out.

On a day when temps soared to 30 degrees, I was able to watch the competition from the relatively cool shade beneath the Oak trees that grow along the back of the range, it was so peaceful and calm whilst the shooting was going on, so I  was able make notes, study techniques and just be amazed at how good all the archers were.

At the end when everybody was packing up and leaving, Dan one of the coaches came across and asked me if I’d brought my bow with me, luckily I had, and ended up getting an hour of coaching on my shooting technique, how to set up the bow correctly, and also how to set up and adjust my sight when needed.

What a relaxing, enjoyable weekend, and did I forget to mention that West Ham United FC won 3-1 away to Watford FC.

Take care

Gary x

Finding my MoJo

So, for a while now I have been having a bit out of sorts and having a weird feeling that something was missing, that something was not quite right, it also meant I couldn’t ask anyone for help as I didn’t know what sort of help to ask for.

 

So today I decided I needed to get out of the house and blow the cobwebs away.

I went to my nearest town centre and visited one of my favourite coffee shops The Panino Café, the sun was shining, and a cool breeze was blowing, and the flowers smelled amazing.

So, sitting in my wheelchair outside at one of the tables, I started one of my favourite pastimes, people watching. After a short while, I started getting the urge to write, and so I did.

 

As it is Sunday today, the town was not too busy which was good because I was in my wheelchair, which makes it a little easier to manoeuvre. The main problem is Horsham Town centre has a very uneven paved surface and many areas of cobblestones, which means it’s pretty tough going. Looking on the bright side of things, it hopefully means ill end up with biceps like Thor (I can dream).

Next visit though I should probably go with someone, as I’m finding that I’m not really fit enough to be allowed out on my own yet. A bonus in going or meeting someone would be to just have someone to chat with, and also to push me for short periods, when my poor old arms get tired (lol), and also it would mean that I don’t overdo things like I did today, but you live and learn I guess, and as far as wheelchairs are concerned I’ve still got a lot to learn.

 

But now I’m using the chair a lot more and with me starting archery soon, I’m hoping that ill develop his pecs as well and lose the “Moobs” or man boobs, I can live in Naïve hope.

Well, its good to know that I’m still feeling pretty positive and that my slightly weird sense of humour seems to be hanging on in there, just. And that is probably a good thing as I have just bought a “F*ck Boris” t-shirt. which I will wear with pride.

 

Whilst sitting here, watching, writing and drinking delicious coffee, I’ve had a Eureka moment, I’ve figured out what it was that’s missing, me enjoying my writing was missing.

So, what that tells me is that sitting in the sun, writing in my journal which has the words “My F**king plans to take over the world” with my pen that has “f*ck this sh*t” written on the side, two brilliant Christmas presents I got last year, and watching the world go by and not feeling guilty about it, is some of the best medicine you can get.

 

I’m sure if there are any people sitting here watching me writing with a bloody great stupid looking smile on my face, frantically writing away, probably imagine I’ve lost the plot.

 

Remember, Live, love, laugh.

                 

                                            Take care,

                                                       

                                                           Gary x

Bows & Arrows

Not a bad weekend, my pain levels were fairly high, but I was determined that that wouldn’t stop me from trying something new.

For a while now I’ve been doing a lot of research into looking for an activity or sport that I could enjoy and get some exercise from.

So I asked myself some questions  and this is the answer I came up with.

  1. I wanted it to be something with a social aspect to kt and not something I would have to do on my own.
  2. It needed to be something I really wanted to do.
  3. I wanted it to be something I could indoors or outdoors.
  4. It had to be something that wouldn’t be cost prohibitive as I not exactly rich.
  5. It also needed to be something I would enjoy and exercise for me at the same time.
  6. And finally it needed to be something I could do whilst using my wheelchair.

The big question – Did I find something?

The equally big answer – Yes I did.

After much research I finally contacted an Archery club last Wednesday, explaining what I wanted to do, and also asked if They catered for wheelchair users, I then asked if I would I be able to go along on Saturday to see the facility and ask a few questions, and also speak to a few members if possible, thankfully the answer was yes.

So on Saturday I arrived at the archery club around 9 am. I was feeling excited yet nervous. I met with Paul the head coach, who showed me around the range, and went through the range etiquette and rules with me, before introducing me to a couple of the other members.

Firstly he introduced me to Colin, who is also a wheelchair user. Colin was a really nice guy, we had a really good chat and a laugh, the other guy was Neil  who was another coach and also a nice guy. Now because I hadn’t completed the beginners/safety course I wasn’t actually able to shoot any arrows. ThankfullyColin allowed me to sit in his wheelchair, then they showed me how to sit properly, then hold and use a bow.

As a beginner and a wheelchair user they let me practice with one of the club bows, the type of bow I practiced my technique on was called a compound bow.

martin-krypton

The reasoning behind using one of these is.

  1. They are easier to use as a beginner shooting form the seated position
  2. They are fairly light.
  3. They look damn cool
  4. And the pressure can be adjusted.

I now realise I  have muscles where I didn’t know I had muscles, so I will definitely be getting some exercise.

So everything on my needs & wants list ticked.  Result. I will be doing my initial training course on the afternoons of 10th & 17th August and I  can’t wait.

Take care

Gary x

 

 

 

 

 

Nature

I became unemployed today, so to stop myself from dwelling on that fact, I decided I needed to get out of the house, whatever the cost in pain.

So I managed to get to a local Nature reserve today and I took my camera with me, as I just needed to get out of the house, here’s a couple of pics from today.

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It was a pretty good couple of hours sitting in a nice cool hide watching wildlife, I do love photographing Kingfishers.

Dentist tomorrow, not such a good day.

Be careful out there,

Gary x

Peaceful morning

What a great morning, the sun was shining, a cool breeze was blowing, and the birds were singing in the bushes and trees.

Im now enjoying my coffee, Dora is sleeping at my feet on the patio, after I spent about 20 minutes brushing her, the resulting pile of fur is now being carried off by the little sparrow’s to line there newly built nests.

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Perfect start to the day.

Take care,

Gary x

 

Travelling

So in a previous life(1989 – 2007), I was lucky to have a few jobs in that allowed me to travel the world, meet some amazing people and see some amazing sights, and I got to do it all before I got too sick.

USA:- California, Colorado, New York, Vermont, West Virginia, Arizona, New Mexico, Oregon, Florida, Missouri, Massachusettes, Idaho, Maine, Texas, Pennsylvania.

Japan:- Tokyo, Nagoya. Fukuyama, Mito, Hitachi.

Hongkong

Taiwan;- Taipei, Tainan, Hsinchu, Kaohsiung.

Singapore:- Sentosa, Clarke Quay, Orchard Towers, Newton Circus, Tampines

France:- Grenoble, Corbeil-Essonnes, Paris, Lyon, Callais.

Germany:- Berlin, Dresden, Erfurt, Munich, Frankfurt, Leipzig, Freiberg, Chemnitz, Cologne.

Holland:- Nijmegen, Hengelo, Eindhoven.

Ireland:- Cork, Limerick, Shannon, Galway, Claregalway, Clifden, Dublin, Leixlip, Maynooth.

Israel:- JerusalemAshkelon, Ashdod, Kiryat Gat, Tel-Aviv

Italy:- Rome.

Switzerland:- Geneva

Canada:- Montreal.

I was very lucky I had the best job in the world, I got to do so many things, see so many sights, try so many different foods and cultures, so many good memories, so many photographs so many pamphlets, tickets, old passports and memorabilia saved. The best about being away was catching the flight home to my wife and kids.

This is why it is taking me a while to complete my memory book.

Take care

Gary x

Writing – Changing

The purpose of this piece is for me to get used to writing, so hopefully the more writing I do the better I get. I’m sure there are many spelling mistakes and grammatical errors as you read through this but this is about learning and finding what kind of writer I’m going to be, so all of your comments will be of great value. In September I start a 10 week creative writing workshop, hopefully, I will have figured out how to use the spelling & grammar checker by then. So please be kind, be brutal, but above all please be honest about what you think.

Title:- Changed

Last weekend I started reading the biography about an Idol of mine, comedian & Film star Robin Williams. Reading it brought up emotions of sadness because he’d died & happiness because he made me & the world laugh. The very first time I saw Robin Williams was on the tv show Mork & Mindy, it made me laugh so hard I would have tears rolling down my face.

In the book many people were saying he was a comic genius, a legend, a star, I think he was just bloody awesome. He was one of those actors whose films would always cheer me up, they would always make me smile and laugh especially when I was feeling down. In the book people he performed with said he was an amazing guy to work with, he was always trying to make people laugh on set, always willing to help fellow cast & crew out & always helping those in need & those less fortunate. One example of his compassion reported that he would always insist that any of the films he worked in must always hire a number of the local homeless population to work on the set.

After reading the introduction and all the comments from his friends, colleagues, and family,. It moved on to tell his story. It started with at the end of his story with talking about his death at the age 63 & by the end of that first page I could feel a lump in my throat & could feel tears welling up also. I remember feeling the same way when his death was announced back in 2014. It made me think about a film I had recently seen; it was a documentary called RobinWilliams – Inside My Mind. It had its funny moments but was filled with heartbreak & sadness, he was an amazing human being, full of energy and laughter, but it showed he was also just a man who had his own demons & flaws such as drinking, drugs, anxiety & depression.

I got a bit distracted again at this point & started thinking about my own demons, my own long-term battle with my crappy health, depression & anxiety. So I decided I wanted to get my own story down on paper to bare my soul so to speak then share it on here.

Here we go.

I’ve pretty much had poor health since birth, though my battle with depression & anxiety didn’t start until much later(obviously). In fact, it started around the same time as the bullying I was experiencing did. I was about 11 when the bullying started firstly because I was rubbish at sport & didn’t feel like I fit anywhere, then it got worse when I got my girlfriend who was of Sri Lankan parentage even though she was born here. the verbal abuse from both British Asian kids & White British kids was equally as bad & it even got physical a few times. Going through school was the worst for verbal.

I was 13 when my family moved from South London to West Sussex, not long after the move, my episodes of depression began to get more frequent, I hated the countryside back then, I hated moving away from my Grandparents, I didn’t like my stepfather and I missed London, I became a right little shit (so I’ve been told). Around the age of 16, I started drinking and smoking, not a lot but I started, then after I’d had a teenage meltdown, I was sent to live My Father & Stepmother for 2 years by the age of 18 my drinking & smoking had become very heavy in fact I had turned into a drunk but not an alcoholic. It was also at this I met a girl who would eventually become wife even though over the next 5 years I was an absolute shit towards her, yet she has never gave up on me (madness, even I’d given up on me), but this year will be our silver wedding anniversary,  25 years ago was also when I also cut down on the drinking.

Then 13 years ago I quit smoking & drinking altogether which ended up being a stroke of luck because 6 months later, I was made redundant from a job I loved, the company was closing down and moving back to the good old U.S of A, one good thing to come out of this time was the bullying was finally over.(I was bullied for many different reasons over the years, in fact, I think I must have had the words bully me written on my forehead).

About 18 months after the redundancy a tragedy occurred that affected me badly. There was a serious road traffic accident. On my way into work at  new job one morning I came upon a serious road traffic accident, there were 3 of us that stopped to help the people in the 2 cars that had collided, we had to try to get the man trapped in the first car out,  one of the guy’s broke a rear window so I could crawl halfway into the car to hold the trapped man’s head steady, talk to  him and stop him from hurting himself even more, at the same time the guy who had broken the window went around to the other side to try to gain access through the other door but with no luck, the third bloke stayed with the other driver trying to keep him calm.

The Police, Fire Rescue, and Paramedics were pretty quick, I explained to the paramedic what was going on with the injured driver whilst I had been with him. The police asked the 3 of us that had tried to help to wait by our cars to be interviewed individually. About 20 minutes after our statements a police officer came across to us and told that there was nothing that could have done to save him, that he had died from his injuries. He advised us that we should all go home due to the shock of what had happened. We drove off & the next thing I remember was sitting in my van outside the house. As I opened the front door I saw all the dried blood on my arms and hands, I looked up saw my wife then I just broke. I can’t remember how long she held me for, but I am so glad she hadn’t left for work. For the next 6 months, I couldn’t leave the house, I couldn’t even open the door, I’d also lost my job & it took me a long time to get over it.

For the next 18 months, I spent my time doing a lot of volunteering on conservation projects. I worked outside with a group of people with similar health problems, it was exactly what I needed to get better, getting back to nature and working with my hands again was the medicine I needed & it helped me find myself again, it helped me recover enough to look for another job, things were finally getting better.

8 years ago my physical health started to nosedive again, I began falling over at work, I was in constant pain, I was becoming forgetful & at times confused. Now, those of you that knew me back in my drinking days are probably thinking, hmmm sounds like you’re still a pisshead Gary, the problem was I had been off the sauce for 12 years(not fair). I saw the GP who sent me to a Rheumatologist who in turn diagnosed me with Fibromyalgia. None of the pain killers they tried me on came even close to helping with the pain. The GP then sent me off to see a pain specialist. I was told it was unlikely I’d never work again, that my life as I knew it was over & I would have learned new ways to do things I was then released on medical grounds from the company I worked for.

After all this I started to feel that I was losing control of my life, that nothing was under my control anymore, my anxiety & depression were rising again, my physical health was getting worse, there seemed to be very little out there to help me cope with what was happening, I started attending CBT courses, 3 in fact one after the other to try and help me cope, but it just wasn’t for me. My mental and physical health were spiralling downwards & I was having some very dark thoughts. I was getting really scared.

Then on a visit to a medical drop in centre I overheard 2 old dears talking about a free NHS service called the Expert Patient Programme which helped people living with long term health conditions to live better. I had never heard of it before but thought I might as well give it a go, if it had worked for them maybe it could help me. So when I got home I contacted the service and got myself booked onto the next available course near to where I lived. I wasn’t very confident before I went as nothing else had worked for me, Then I thought what did I have to loose? I turned up for the first session of the 6 week course, it would be 2.5 hours 1 day a week for 6 weeks. As I walked through the door I remember thinking, what the hell am I doing here? But as the course got going I remember thinking it felt very different from anything else I had done & asked myself again, is this really going to work for me?

After all the introductions we learned that the tutors were also living with their own long-term health conditions, they had all been participants & completed the course themselves. They said they’d gotten so much out of the course they decided to become volunteer Tutors, I mean volunteers, wow that really struck me. Another thing was they talked to us, not at us, they were engaging with us, not judging us but asking us to give it a go, after all, they were living proof that the service worked. So after I left that day I decided I would go back for week 2.

The things the tutors were saying to us made sense, the coping techniques they demonstrated actually worked. The tutors came across as positive, compassionate, and understanding people who got us, they really understood what we were going through, it showed us we were not alone, and it showed me it was ok to smile and laugh without feeling guilty. The change in me was massive and quick, by week 3 my wife was telling me she couldn’t believe the difference the course was making, I was more confident, positive & happier, that I was talking and laughing more. So on week 4, I plucked up the courage and asked if I could become a volunteer tutor. Now public speaking was some really scary shit for me, I knew I would be well outside my comfort zone.  But 4 months later I finished my training and 6 weeks after that I started delivering my first course. I loved it. Since then my health has had many ups and downs.

But the main thing was I had my various families to support me, there was my wife and 3 daughters, my brother and his family, my work family & my fellow tutor’s & participant family. Then 2 years ago a dream came true for me, not only was I a volunteer tutor but I was also working as the Expert Patient Programme Administrator, it was a job I loved & life was good. Then 11 months ago my health decided to nosedive again & I was placed on long term sick leave. I’m still off sick now but in 3 weeks time, I will be going through the process of being released on medical grounds. This time though things will be different as I am far more prepared this time. I have been looked after supported & helped by my friends at work & my family at home, which includes my lovely Dog Dora.

I’ve started making a long term plan, which is to become a writer, what type of writer I will be I don’t know yet, but I’m enjoying the journey now that it has started, with all the reading writing and blogging I am doing these day’s I know one day it will happen.

There really is no way to thank all the people in my life who have helped and supported me over the last 8 years, but I love you all because you have all helped me arrive where I am today.

So now it’s on to the next chapter fo me although I will still be looking forward to coffee with the boss and volunteering in the office with my colleagues when I can. There’s no chance of work getting rid of me completely I’m afraid. The Service is known as EPP for short but is also known as the Living Well Course. If you like the sound of it & fancy giving it a go, make the call you have nothing to lose & everything to gain, it worked for me after all. I’ve written this in the hope that my story may help some of you.

Take care

Gary

Ok, so I am going to go a little bit Hollywood now &  thank some of the people who have helped me get to this point in my life.

So First to my Mum who never gave up on me even though I could be a right little shit(apparently), Thank you to my long-suffering wife Tracey, to my 3 yes 3 beautiful grown-up daughters Sian, Keri & Erin who’ve put up with my bad sense of humour on a daily basis. I’d like to thank my workmates Karen the Boss & Natalie (aka Danny Dyer) & Sue the co-ordinator’s who’ve had to put up with me being such an awesome administrator in my opinion. To all the amazing tutors & participants I have met along the way & last but not least some good friends, to Marion who was also my mum’s best friend We should meet up for a coffee soon, to Shelly & Ian who helped me get through the first couple of years and introduced me to the lovely Jenner & Ken who allowed me into there lives, I know I’m crap at keeping in touch & I need to rectify that.

Finally, to all those, I have not mentioned but are just as important.

Thank you all so much.

And finally again, a big thank you to Robin Williams for making me laugh, for making me cry, for being a hero to me & whose story has inspired me to write this piece.

Day 6, My First Attempt

The next post will be my first attempt at writing, if you have the time please read through it and let me know what you think about it, honesty please.

I want writing to become a big part of my life’s reading has. So I need to start sharing, I need to start getting pieces written and out there for all to see.

The first piece I have written how my life has changed over the last 7 years and how I have I have become the person I am today. A pretty positive one.

A little heads up on what I am living with health wise these days. I have allergies to eggs, fowl and peanuts. I live with anxiety, depression, Asthma, Type 2 Diabetes, Osteoporosis (spinal damage), undiagnosed MS (Spinal cord liaison), Neuropathy, Tested positive for Sarcoidosis (in remisson) and to top it all off Fibromyalgia.

What Do You See?

 

What do you see, when you look at me?

Do you see a man with a different way of thinking for getting form A to B,

Or a different way of physically getting from here to there,

Do you see the labels, disabled, crippled, broken, second class, scrounger,

I don’t want to be like this, I don’t want you to think like that,

Being different like I am is not a way of living we choose,

Being different is about choosing how we live because we are this way,

If I need help, I have learned to ask, if I don’t I have learned to say No,

And we must be polite when we do so,

We need acceptance for who we are, to be respected, to be equals,

We need love when we feel down, understanding when frustrated,

Friendship when lonely, and need help when we can’t manage,

We have the same likes such as, sport or reading or going to the beach,

And the same dislikes, taxes, racism or not being in charge of the TV remote.

We also have likes

The occasional beer and a pizza, a Larger and a nice hot ruby,

(a Ruby = Ruby Murray = Curry)

the chance to go to a concert or see a  film at the cinema,

everyone needs there relationships,

Someone to love, to laugh with, to cry with,

And those that get us and see past the differences,

For some our differences are visible, whilst for others, they are not so much,

But it’s okay to ask us about our differences, we don’t bite unless you want us to,

So don’t be a stranger, come and say hi, just try not to stare it’s not very nice,

Don’t pity us, understand us, don’t blame us, get to know us,

Were as human as you, with a little bit extra, or a little bit less,

We laugh, we cry, we live, we die, we also have a wicked, even dark sense of humour,

Please don’t dismiss us, or ignore us, do not pity us, or feel sorry for us,

Listen when we talk, understand what we need and help if we ask, please,

But we must also do our part,

We must listen when you talk, understand when you need, be a friend when you need,

But communication cut’s both ways and both way’s must get better,

We’re really not that different if we only take the chance and let each other in,.

We’re all only human after all.

 

Practicing my scribblings I hope you like, not sure it could be classed as poetry, I just needed to get it out. (The words that are, not anything else), see Humour.

Take care

Gary x

 

 

Day 4 Wheels

Damn the pain is crazy bad today in my neck and spine, legs are like jelly. Definitely  having a crap morning, overdid it yesterday.

It ended up as a wheelchair day today, I know I need to be using it a lot more these days. I just need to stop thinking about how others will look at me. I was the same when I started using a stick. Stupid I know but I can be Bloody stubborn at times

Shock horror, using the chair worked, I was able read a large part of the book “Writing the damn book” which I’m pleased about, and I ended up getting down loads of ideas, possible titles and a couple of mind maps. So it’s ended up being a really productive day. A small step closer to writing a book myself.

Take care

Gary x

 

Day 3 The Nature Reserve

Another beautiful sunny day

Ok, so today is a me day.

Dora took me for a short walk this morning, luckily she walks even slower than I do which is a plus. I loved every minute of it and even though the walking part is agony and I know will pay for it later. I’d planned for this and to me, it’s worth the extra pain, to do something I rarely get to do anymore. I really loved going for daily walks with her back when we could both manage it. Anyway, we made it back home in one piece and sat around in the garden, me drinking coffee waiting for my books to arrive and Dora sleeping. Exactly what we needed after the walk.

Books arrived, can’t wait to start reading them.

Once the wife home from work, I got my camera gear ready. She’s going to drop me off at the local nature reserve on her way into town.

I have a bit of a ritual when I  go to the reserve before I do anything I have a cup off coffee and a small packet of Jelly Babies.

Once the refreshments were out of the way I made my way to the hide to observe nature. I just love sitting there overlooking the large pond watching the birds that were there Heron’s, Coots, Terns, Great Crested Grebes, a Cormorant, and some seagulls.

What caught my attention though was a pair of broad bodied chasers (Dragonflies) one blue the other yellow. They were chasing each other backward and forward with brief periods of mating whilst flying. Now I love photographing dragonflies though it’s not easy as they are so damn fast I managed to get a couple of half-decent ones, which you can see below.

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With about 30 minutes to go, I made my way back to the cafe, it was too late for a coffee so I went over to the chicken coup that they have to take a couple of chicken pics for my youngest daughter who loves chickens. I think the came out ok.

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So now it’s blog time then bedtime, I’m completely knackered.

Bring on tomorrow a day of reading, writing and relaxing,

Take care

Gary x

A good day

Day 2 of the journey#

Good start to the day managed to get through e-mails and twitter in record time this morning and I was able to get yesterdays blog published as I had misjudged how long it would take last night, lesson learned started earlier tonight, result

Out in the garden again updating my journaal listening to kiss (the band not the radio station) and the coffee is tasting good.

Not sure what is going on, police with there blues and two’s on racing down the A29 to Adversane. Now there’s a police helicopter flying around overhead. Popped to the shop to get a coke zero and saw a van load of coppers heading towards the A29 as well,  police helicopter has been up there for about 40 mims now.

Heard later there was an armed robbery in one incident and in another incident a woman was killed in a road accident on the A29 at Adversane.

Managed to finish the book “Get Your Sh*t Together” reccomend it to everyone. Tomorrow I have a new book arriving, called “Write the Damn Book” for creative people who have a hard time finishing things. Very apt for me.

Hoping to go to the nature reserve tomorrow with my camera, I love going there because it is so peaceful and the cafe make a nice cuppa coffee.

onwards and upwards, let’s see what tomorrow brings

Lets be careful out there

Gary x

 

 

Day 1, The Journey Begins.

For the last few months I’ve pretty much been drifting along like one of those tumbleweeds you see in the movies. Thing is at some point in the next month I will be given notice due to illness at my place of employment and it s all very amicable.

so about a week ago I started reading a book that I got for my Birthday. The book is called “Get Your Sh*t Together” by Sarah Knight. Now I have plenty of experience in setting long term and short term goals, but I’d lapsed, no motivation, lots of things I wanted to do, but I had turned into the great procrastinator, I couldn’t be arsed.

Anyway the book has given me the kick up the arse I needed to start making plans (about bloody time) for my future, to live heathier, earn a living and make time for doing the things that I want and need to do. The book is humorous, uses a lot of profanities about the serious subject of planning for the future, writing lists and setting goals, the perfect book for me, I reccomend it to anyone.

GOALS

Long term – To earn a living from writing and to lose weight

Short term – Create structure in my life by using weekly timetables. The timetables will be further broken down into daily tasks of what needs to be done and what I must do  by prioritising  each task.

I feel really positive and confident that I am doing this the right way and for the right reasons, the main ones being it’s what I need to do and what I want to do.

Ok, day 1, The journey begins. 23/05/2019

I  booked myself onto a creative writing course starting in September 2019.

Went down the village collected my bag of medication and got my haircut, two birds with one stone.

Researched helpful websites, subscribed to a YouTube programme, joined a couple of mailing lists and purchased a couple of books.

ME TIME – sat in the garden with my dog Dora, sunshine on my back, the sound of tmany birds singing in the trees and jotting ideas down in my journal. Perfection and one of the most important tasks on my daily timetable.

After lunch I met with my Boss, we went for a coffee and a chat about my impending  release from my job on medical grounds and chatting over my plans for the future.

It’s been a job I’ve loved doing with an amazing team of people. I can truly say I will miss the job and miss working for the NHS. It has been an honour and a pleasure, and I will definitely be keeping in touch with my workmates.

After getting back home from meeting up with my boss I took a bit of time to reflect on everything  we had spoken about, I updated my jornal whilst sitting in the garden with my dog who laid there fast asleep cooking in the sun pretending to listen to me, this is not being lazy but me making sure I don’t overdo things,  today was a good day, which has helped me feel a little more positive for the future

I am going to make a blog each day with updates on my progress, as I  think this will be a good platform for me on my journey, writing about my plans, my health and any situations and observations I encounter. The aim will be to publish my blog at the end of each day.

Be kind to each other, please leave comments and criticism’s, always appreciated even though I can’t guarantee I will act on them

Gary x

Choices

Something that was said to me on Friday got stuck in my head and it niggled away in the back of my mind over the weekend.

Then I saw a film yesterday that struck a chord with me and with the comment that was made on Friday. The film was called “Choices”. Now I wouldn’t normally watch a love story, but the wife and eldest were watching it on the tv.

At this point I would just like to say that these types of film are not my guilty pleasure.

Anyway, the film had a very strong message, not just about the love between two people but also about choices. It doesn’t  matter how big or how small the choices we make are, because for us as people they can both be life altering.

This morning I started reading a new book, it is helping me think about why I have made the decision to make the changes I want and need in my now.  The book I am reading is called:

Get your sh*t together

How to stop worrying about what you should do

so you can finish what you need to do

and start doing what you want to do

By Sarah Knight

Though this book has a serious message, it is explained with a lot of humour and a lot of swearing, which I find refreshing and easy to grasp, because of that I know this will help me with the process planning the next steps in a way that makes sense to me.

It seems that these occurrences  over the last 4 days are probably the universe telling me to get of my ar*e and get on with it.

I know it is something I am passionate about and I know that is what I want to do, I have many questions to research to find the answers I need and I also to get some advice from people I completely trust.

Watch this space

Go well

Gary x

Changes

It’s been a little while since my last post.

Things are starting to change change for me at this time due to my ongoing health conditions, my time working for the NHS, a place I love to work with people I love to work with. I think I will miss this part most of all.

Hopefully though I will still be able to volunteer for them in some capacity my health permitting as the service is very important to me.

This morning was my formal meeting with the HR department to formalise the next step in leaving, a very friendly and amicable meeting, now I just wait for the next meeting and the final decision.

Back home now, feeling a little flat as this is the start of a door closing on a very happy part of working life. I will still be in touch with and involed with EPP so at least I still have that side but I will miss the work.

Anyway the sun is shining and I am ing the garden typing up my blog whist the lovely Dora chases rabbits in her sleep on the lawn, I was horrible and woke her up for the picture then she immediately went back to sunbathing and chasing rabbits.

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I’ve known my leaving the NHS has been on the cards for a while now, so I have started making plans.

Firstly looking after myself and being more assertive, saying no when I need to, by listening to what my body is telling me.

Secondly is just enjoying the moment, living  one day at a time. Doing things I love listening to music, reading a book, waatching the world go by listening to the sounds in my garden (Though this does not include the sounds of my neighbour’s arguing, or the many children screaming shouting or fighting)

On a football note West Ham won there last two games of the season and finished 10th COYI and Brighton managed to stay up by the skin of there teeth. Though I do not support The Seagulls myself good luck with finding a top manager for next season.

This week it’s my Birthday, I can’t believe I will be 57 on Friday and will resist the urge to eat baked beans that day. I think it is true what they say that when you have kids time speeds up as my daughters will be 25, 23 & 21 this year yet in my head I still think I’m 32, the year I got married to my wife, the year my eldest was born  and luckily I was a lapsed Catholic for obvious reasons. I’m guess what I’m trying to say is grab life as tight as you can and wring the life out of it and I consider myself very lucky that, that is what I have always tried to do.

Finally I just want to say I have finished reading  the latest 2 books, the first is called “Why are you pretending to be Normal” a book I’ve read before, but have found to be really helpful, it’s about living with disabilities and impairments, learning new ways of looking, thinking and talking about them, the stories techniques are from people who are already using them to live there lives

The second book is called “This is going to hurt” Secret diaries of a junior Doctor by Adam Kay. The book made me laugh so hard at times I had tears rolling down my cheeks, his sense of humour and compassion shines through but ultimately left me heartbroken.

everybody that has used, will use and does use our amazing NHS should read it and reccomend it.

Thank you for listening to my ramblings

Remember live, laugh, love but don’t, live, love, laugh or your partner may get annoyed with you.

Love you all, take care, Gary

Just for good luck  COYI.

 

 

“East of Croydon”

Just finished reading the book “East of Croydon” by Sue Perkins.

What an amazing and beautifully written book, I have to say I was hooked the moment I started reading it. The way it’s written just draws you in and makes you feel you are right there with Sue on location, just without the smells , it’s written in such a way it that you feel that Sue is talking directly to you personally as you accompany her on her adventures.

Reading this book has been an absolute joy, it’s made me laugh out loud, it’s made me quietly shed a tear when no one else was looking. A wonderful thing  it has done thouugh is remind me how much I love reading books and re-ignite my desire to read more.

Thank you Sue Perkins.

I am really looking Forward to reading her book “Spectacles a memoir” which I hope to get for my birthday so while I am waiting I will be reading a book that has been reccomended to me called “The Secret Barrister, stories of the Law and how it’s been broken” described by the Observer as Terrifying……..Hilarious………Eye-opening. Writen by?

ISBN 078-1-5098-4114-1 Published by Picador.

Enjoy the rest of the May Bank Holiday

Look after each other, all the best, Gary

A Good Bank Holiday Weekend

Good Friday

Had a really good day today, I decided on Wednesday that I wanted to go to the local nature reserve tomorrow  (Saturday).

So I spent today preparing for my trip to the reserve. I went through my camera equipment selected and cleaned the lenses that I thought I might need,  after I charged the camera batteries, cleaned and tidied my camera bag, then repacked it with what I would take.

Sometimes I think the planing, anticipation and preparation  is almost as good as actually going.

Saturday

Great start to the day by going for a little walk with my Dog. Loved it as it has been a long time since we’ve been able to go for a walk together.

The Wife dropped me off at the Nature reserve. it was a very hot day, so before going into the reserve, I bought a coffee renewed my membership then sat outside the cafe to drink my coffee. unpacked my camera and took some test shots.

There wasn’t much wildlife about as it was too hot for them. I slowly made my way through the grounds taking plenty of rests and enjoying the views of the pond. then I found myself in a quiet spot in the woodland area found a bench to sit on and just watched all the families rushing around doing the easter egg hunt, had a fantastic day and didn’t take a single picture.

It’s not always about the picture , sometimes it’s about just enjoying the moment and your surrounding’s.

Also another one of my monthly bucket list challenges started.

Easter Sunday

What a glorious day, lovely and warm, I spent most of the day sitting in the Garden in the shade reading my book that I got on Friday, It’s called “Harry’s Last Stand” by Harry Leslie Smith and by late afternoon I had finished reading it, haven’t read like that in a long time, I really could not put it down. I followed Harry on Twitter, as like me he is a socialist. the book covers his life from his birth in  1923, through the impoverished time’s of the 1920’s and the great depression of the 1930’s, his part in the as part of the RAF during world war II, his life as a happily married family man. He compares his unique experiences from a child growing up in a time of austerity during the great depression, to the austerity we have been going through since 2010. the similarities are frighteningly undeniable. I am not ashamed to admit his story brought a tear or two to my eyes, but the one thing running through the book was the strength that he possessed to get through everything that came his way, but also there was his optimism for the future, that people will create the kind of society that works for everybody and leaves nobody behind. Reading this book has awakened my love of reading again, which I lost when i became unwell back in 2012.

This book and its message gives me hope for the future and my children’s future.

For the evening the brother-in-law came over for a nice chilled out family roast dinner, perfect end to a lovely day

Bank Holiday Monday

For me today will be a day of rest to let my body recover a bit. I shall mainly watch a bit of tv, sit in the sun with the dog, I’ve already chosen my next book it’s called “East of Croydon” by Sue Perkins. based on her tv show where she travelled around Asia, great series so I am looking forward to starting the book.

Going to call my Godson later to see if he can pop round sometime this week to do me a quote on running power to my shed, maybe he will even be able to do the work for me, paid of course.

Also looking forward to a planned coffee morning with a work colleague on Friday morning.

Have decided that I will need to rest up Tuesday as well.

What a perfect weekend

Take care of each other

Gary

 

Football

Okay so good and bad this weekend, first the bad The Hammers lost away again on Saturday at Old Trafford against Man Utd 2 – 1, so still no away win in 2019, but we have over 40 points so we are safe from going down this season.

On the plus side the West Ham women’s team beat Reading in the FA cup semi – final on penalties and now face Manchester City in the FA cup final, fantastic result.

I started going to Upton Park in 1983 when the great John Lyall was manager in the old first division Tony Cottee was top scorer that year, the legend that is Billy Bonds was Captain, it was the great Trevor Brookings last season, at the back and Alan Devonshire on the wing. ive seen many great players over the years, Julian Dicks, John Moncur, Paolo Di Canio, Frank Lampard jnr, Rio Ferdinand, Joe Cole, Martin Allen, Mark Ward,Ludo Miklsoko, Steve Potts, John Moncur, Steve Lomas, Jermaine Defoe, Frederic Kanoute, Marc-Vivien Foe, Trevor Sinclair, Glen Johnson,  Ian Pearce, Tomas Repka, Yossi Benayoun, Mark Noble, Teddy Sheringham, Bobby Zamora, Carlos Tevez, Matty Etherington, James Collins, Phil Parkes, Alvin Martin, Frank McAvennie, John Hartson, Slaven Bilic, Stuart Pearce,

 

I grew up in South London, so for me my local teams were Tooting & Mitcham, Crystal Palace or Wimbledon but none appealed to me. For me finding the team I have supported since 1974 has been West Ham United and was down to my Grandfather and his for the team he had supported since the late 1920’s. I would sit with him on a saturday afternoon watching world of sport and waiting for the teleprinter to come up with the football scores and pools results, all the time I would be  listening to stories of the greats Moore, Hurst, Peters and god knows how many times I heard how West Ham had won the World cup for England I was hooked. When I started following them the Great Ron Greenwood was still manager and he introduced the free-flowing style of football based on the Hungarian style. two years later Ron was managing England.

To me West Ham are the greatest team in the world and every year they put you through the emotional wringer. all the games I have seen were played on the hallowed ground of Upton Park, I watched games from all 4 stands the atmosphere in the Chicken run (east stand) though was the best, most games I saw though were from the front row of the West stand. the best ever atmosphere though was on Tuesday night games under floodlight with the stadium singing I’m forever blowing bubbles, it was so emotionally charged the hairs would stand up on the back of your neck.

I miss those afternoons with my Grandfather and his stories and I miss those days at Upton park watching West Ham playing the beautiful game. One of the nicest things for me was being able to attend games with my wife and all 3 of my daughters, so at least I know I passed something Important on.

Now all I have to do is watch them play at the London Stadium a few times a year which you may have noticed is no my Bucket List.

Take care

Gary

Bucket list update

Off to a flying start.

So on Thursday got to go out for a coffee and it ticked all the  boxes, nearly.

So what do I mean about ticking boxes. Well below is my list of what makes a perfect “going out for a Coffee means”, but for me there are 2 types of “going out for Coffee

Type 1

  • 1/  firstly it helps if it is with someone who is great company, but also someone you feel comfortable around, it also helps if its someone who has things that you both like talking about whether its music or work , family  or football and football is one of my favourite subjects as I am a West Ham United supporter and K is a Brighton & Hove supporter, so the myths are true that supporters of different teams can get on without starting a war.
  • 2/  Just getting out of the house is a big lift for me, it’s just so good to be in different surroundings and of course good coffee helps and nice location.
  • 3/ Excellent service and staff, which of course can make or break the experience of enjoying a relaxing day out.

Type 2

  • This is one where I am happy  to sit on my own or with company and drink my coffee.
  • On these occasions  I like to people watch and just make stories up about them in my head, when doing this I can let my imagination run wild, it can be such good fun.
  •  3/ Also on these occasions I like to take my camera with to do some street photography, which I love doing as I feel that each picture you take can tell a really great story.

A great side effect of doing this is it helps to alleviate feeling isolated and lonely, it can help with feeling low,  if its warm and sunny it’s a great source of vitamin D ans can also help to lift your mood and its a good way of just staying sociable and keeping up with whats going on, for me though the best thing  is I would be doing something that I really enjoy doing and it can often be an inexpensive way  of enjoying some time out of the house.

Have a good day and I hope you have a good weekend. COYI

Gary