Warnham Nature Reserve

For this story, we were asked to write a piece on our favourite place and describe it in a way that the reader can see it without being there.

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Warnham Nature Reserve

14 years ago, I started studying for my City & Guilds photography diploma, as I loved photographing nature and wildlife, I just wanted to learn more and get better.  Around this time, I was told about a local place called Warnham Nature Reserve by a friend.

On my first visit, I fell in love with the place and have been visiting the reserve whenever I get the chance. So, what I thought I would do is let you in on a typical visit to a place I love to spend time.

I am a creature of habit; I have a specific ritual for when I visit that hasn’t changed from my first day. It’s a Wednesday morning and I have just parked up in the car park. First thing I do is get my camera bag out, and head to the café, which is also the entrance, I get myself a black coffee and a packet of crisps, I sit outside at one of the tables. I’m there for about half an hour checking that I have the right lenses on the cameras, and check all the batteries are charged, so cameras work ok, coffee is drunk, and crisps are eaten, so off I go through the café.

I like to visit on a weekday, as it’s a little bit quieter so I can get around easier in my chair or using my crutch.

As you enter the reserve you are assaulted by the smells of the heather and lavender, in the small rock garden Bee’s and Hover Flies lazily fly between the grey, purple, yellow and green of the plants, and the sound of the Seagulls above the pond. To the right of this area is a small viewing point called “Tern Hide’, it overlooks the right-hand end of the pond and weir. A great spot for viewing the swans.

After passing through the rock garden you have a choice of paths, left takes you along the boundary of the golf course, but straight ahead is the path I take, through the gate and across the wild meadow, were you are again bombarded by the sights sounds and smells, of the butterflies, Crickets, Bees and flowers. I always stop at the small bridge in the middle to drink it all in.

Once through the next gate I cross the long wooden bridge that spans the smaller pond whilst watching and listening to the colourful Butterflies, Demoiselle flies and the Dragonflies.

Now I follow the path into the musty old woodland, full of Oaks, Maple and Firs, I can hear a distant woodpecker, and then coming out of the thicket is a deer, a young female, she stops in the middle of the path about 20 feet away looks me in the eyes the slowly moves off, my day just keeps getting better.

A few more steps off to the right and I finally arrive at the ‘Heron Hide’, which is a good size and is wheelchair accessible. I sit on the bench at the far end of the hide put down my bag and get my camera ready, at this point I took the picture you see above. I can see three Herons on the other side of the pond and a swan chasing a Moorhen, at that moment I see the recognisable electric blue streak shooting across in front of the hide, one of the Kingfishers heading back to their nest, a little blurry but I manage to get a picture.

I turn my attention back to the Herons just in time to see two of them fly off, there is a bird calling to my left and as I slowly turn I see the Iridescent blue and orange of a female Kingfisher perched on the post in the pond. I’m too slow with my camera as it dives for a fish, it flies back up to the post but no fish. Then to my astonishment it just sits there and allows me to take my pictures, then it’s gone again, an electric blue streak racing across the pond.

I put my camera down and just sit watching and listening to nature doing its thing, I find these times to be so relaxing and it’s the main reason I go, the photography is just a bonus when I remember I’ve actually got my camera with me that is.

As I sit there relaxing in the moment, the door behind me opens and in come three teenagers with Cerebral Palsy, all in their electric wheelchairs followed by there three female carers, who unsuccessfully try to get there wards to quit down, which was funny to watch, then I helped with identifying the birds and where they are, it must of sounded like a party was going on with all the laughter, and for an hour we have a great time, one of the carers turns and thanks me for being so helpful, she says they will definitely come back as it is such a beautiful site and the kids had so much fun, we all say goodbye , and except for the odd cry from a gull quietness descends once again.

These are the days that are so important to me, not the photography but the experience and the enjoyment, and this is why I love the nature reserve so much. The best medicine I have found.

 

Struggling

In the last couple of months I have written a lot of stuff down, unfortunately I haven’t been able to finish more than a few of the different pieces.

It all starts off fine:

  • Theme – ok
  • Title – ok
  • Lots of ideas – ok
  • Start writing – ok

Then:

  • Not happy with what I’m writing
  • Questioning the subject
  • Questioning  why I’m even writing

I know there are a lot of things going on in my life right now, and there are many changes happening some are really big ones to me and  some are extremely stressful.

My moods are also up and down at the moment, not extreme swings but enough for me to notice. Being able to concentration for any length of time has gone out the window, and my depression my physical health, are also not playing fair.

One big issue I’m  having, is that my coping and distraction techniques are not working too well at the moment, such as reading, writing, photography and music. My archery does help whilst I am shooting but once I’ve finished shooting, the worries and stresses return.

I’m sure that once things settle down and I get some structure and normality back into my life things will start returning to normal.

Take care

Gary x

Changing, it’s not so easy, sometimes,

Change affects everybody differently, some people thrive on change, and some actually crave it, there are those who are ok with it, as long as it doesn’t happen too quickly, but there are some who will fight change tooth and nail.

For me, well, I’m pretty sure I have been all of these types at various stages in my life, but now I am going through all of these changes at the same time.

Some are happening too quickly as with my physical and mental health so I am finding that to be challenging.

Some things are going too slowly, like mastering the wheelchair and not being too embarrassed to ask for help or to accept it when it’s offered. This will change.

Finally, and this is a very difficult change for me, as I don’t want to be dealing with the department of work & pensions, because of how worthless they make me feel each time I deal with them. I need to find a new coping mechanism for this one

Today I’m in a lot of pain, and that’s my fault, It’s because I overdid things yesterday, I tried to do everything myself, I forget that I’m still getting used to using a wheelchair, and I guess asking for help in getting around is all part of learning to use one.

I know I need more help, a lot more help, and the last two months have shown that to me, only I haven’t been listening, to myself or to anyone else. I’ve been burying my head in the sand convincing myself that I need to find all of my physical limits, all at once.

With all my physical health changes and challenges I’ve been going through, I completely ignored the build-up of stress that these changes were causing, and on top of that, the stress and anxiety being caused by having to stop working, as well as having to deal with the welfare system on top of everything.

I need to calm down and sit down and do some planning. I need to think through what my next steps are going to be and think about how my priorities have changed. I will have to consider want I want to happen for the future, and how I’m going to get there.

One of the biggest things I’ll need to focus on is my finances if I don’t get help from the social, and that is a strong possibility. and if that happens I will need to have planned for how I will get an income. My Motability car will have to go, as without a job I can”t afford to run it, and driving is really painful for me at the moment, so that is something I need to look into as well, see if there is something out there that could help, maybe a medical aid or something similar

I guess I know what I have to be doing over the next few weeks. I just need to get my arse into gear and start doing it.

No more

Unknown

Take care

Gary x

 

What is the point of paying into a welfare system.

Warning this article may contain a swear word or two, Well that’s 3 hours of my life I’ll never get back.

I knew today was going to be bloody awful.

Firstly there is no nearby disabled parking for those attending the Horsham jobcentre, actually there is no nearby parking at all that I know of.

So for those of you that live locally, I had to park in the Swan Walk multi storey car park, not ideal, as it took me 30 minutes to propel myself in my wheelchair to said jobcentre.

I still managed to arrive 20 mins early.

On arrival I was faced with two bloody great sets of fire doors, and after watching me struggle with my chair and the door, a security guard walked over and held the door open.

Here’s a little twist though, the pavement slopes down slightly towards the first door, which when opened revealed a low step, I found  this ot when I was almost tipped out of my chair, watched by the security guard, no offer of assistance and no warning of the step. Happy days.

I was left to get through the second door myself. I was then checked in for my appointment and told to got to the waiting area. I was an absolute wreck, I was exhausted, and in so much pain I just wanted to swear and ask for a ketamine injection, well it worked for me the last time I was in hospital.

After waiting for around 10 minutes, I was called over to the interviewer, I handed over all of the forms I’d been told to bring, they were then scanned I to the system and handed back.

Next I was told I would have to sign a contract, to basically do what they tell me to do.

This is how the contract goes.

If I am late in attending a meeting with my soon to be appointed work coach, I will be sanctioned. If I miss an appointment, I will be sanctioned plus fined £10.40 per day until I attend the rescheduled appointment. If I phone them to say I cannot make an appointment for whatever reason, even a hospital visit, they can choose to sanction me. Finally if I get a total of 3 sanctions all benefits will be stopped.

So the first 15 minutes were all about what they would do to me. What they could do for me was not even discussed, for the last five minutes of the meeting, he told me it would take around 10 days for a decision to be made, by somebody I’ve never met, on whether I get any money or not.

I will also have to go through a work capability assessment, but he couldn’t tell me when that would happen either.

So today comprised of travelling to and from Horsham by car 1hr 20mins.

Wheeling myself to and from the jobcentre in my wheel chair 50mins.

A 20min interview, not the 1hr to 1hr 20 mins I  was told

30mins of waiting and resting.

So if as they say, a country is judged on how it looks after it’s most vulnerable citizens, the UK has failed on an epic scale. These are sad times that we live in.

Below is a picture of my daily journal entry from yesterday, what I wrote pretty much sums up how I feel after what happened today.

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Take care

Gary x

The Joy’s of S & A

This wasn’t  what I  wanted to right about ,but it is what I need to right about.

STRESS & ANXIETY

Today  I will have to sit in front of a non medically trained person who works for the government, at the jobcentre. The thing is, they will decide if I am going to be entitled to employment support allowance.

WHY?

Well recently I  was released from my role as an administrator for our wonderful NHS, a job I loved, but a job I was no longer able to carry  on with my duties, due to y prolonged ill health.

So what happened was, that in June last year my health took a bit of a nosedive, initially caused by an adverse reaction to one of my medications, as a consequence of this I was signed off work by my doctor.  Now although the new medication seems to be working with no side effects, my health has not improved to to point it was, and so after a yearof being signed off work. I have had to leave my job.

I live with several long term health conditions that I live with (Fibromyalgia, type 2 diabetes, asthma, Osteoperosis, Oesophagial spasms, an egg allergy, and an auto immune disorder) I also have mobility issues and I’m  classed as disabled.

These conditions have been diagnosed and confirmed by doctors, consultants, and specialists  in there fields.  I have nowbeen signed off from working indefinitely.

For me this is history repeating itself, as this scenario happened to me 7 years ago, only then the doctors told me it was unlikely I would ever work again. For 4 years I didn’t work and I didn’t receive a penny in benefits, and didnt receive any assistance or help from our welfare services.

Then out of the blue I was given a second chance and returned to part time employment, I worked at this company for a year, it was fantastic, they were very supportive and understanding about my needs, but towards the end of that year, my health started affecting the physical side of working again.

But as they say when one door closes another door opens, and that’s what happened, I was offered the job with the NHS.

Fast forward to today. The appointment

I have filled out the 20 page questionnaire, I have my 3 forms of identification, I have an up to sick note, I have my final payslip, my P60, my P45, proof of the statutary sick pay I  received  whilst in work, and proof of my company pension. I have stress & anxiety levels that are through the roof  and are making me feel shittier than I normally do.

What don’t I have?

I don’t have confidence in this government department treating me fairly, I don’t have confidence that the person interviewing me will carry out his duties without bias and prejudice. I have no faith or trust in the system that is in place as a safety net for those who need it.

The reason  why I feel this way,  well in all my dealings with this government department over the last seven years I have been treated badly, they made me feel like a scrounger & a fraud. Even though the doctor’s  and I know I’m not. I have been made to feel like I am begging for what I am entitled to, after all I have paid into the system through my national insurance contributions over the last 41 years.

I hope I  am wrong, I shouldn’t be getting  stressed or anxious about what may or may not happen, I know that I shouldn’t allow what ifs to affect me so badly. I should be positive and confident, but I  can’t and until this appointment is over I know these thoughts and feelings of dread will not change.

Take care,

Gary x

Rant over.

 

Finding my MoJo

So, for a while now I have been having a bit out of sorts and having a weird feeling that something was missing, that something was not quite right, it also meant I couldn’t ask anyone for help as I didn’t know what sort of help to ask for.

 

So today I decided I needed to get out of the house and blow the cobwebs away.

I went to my nearest town centre and visited one of my favourite coffee shops The Panino Café, the sun was shining, and a cool breeze was blowing, and the flowers smelled amazing.

So, sitting in my wheelchair outside at one of the tables, I started one of my favourite pastimes, people watching. After a short while, I started getting the urge to write, and so I did.

 

As it is Sunday today, the town was not too busy which was good because I was in my wheelchair, which makes it a little easier to manoeuvre. The main problem is Horsham Town centre has a very uneven paved surface and many areas of cobblestones, which means it’s pretty tough going. Looking on the bright side of things, it hopefully means ill end up with biceps like Thor (I can dream).

Next visit though I should probably go with someone, as I’m finding that I’m not really fit enough to be allowed out on my own yet. A bonus in going or meeting someone would be to just have someone to chat with, and also to push me for short periods, when my poor old arms get tired (lol), and also it would mean that I don’t overdo things like I did today, but you live and learn I guess, and as far as wheelchairs are concerned I’ve still got a lot to learn.

 

But now I’m using the chair a lot more and with me starting archery soon, I’m hoping that ill develop his pecs as well and lose the “Moobs” or man boobs, I can live in Naïve hope.

Well, its good to know that I’m still feeling pretty positive and that my slightly weird sense of humour seems to be hanging on in there, just. And that is probably a good thing as I have just bought a “F*ck Boris” t-shirt. which I will wear with pride.

 

Whilst sitting here, watching, writing and drinking delicious coffee, I’ve had a Eureka moment, I’ve figured out what it was that’s missing, me enjoying my writing was missing.

So, what that tells me is that sitting in the sun, writing in my journal which has the words “My F**king plans to take over the world” with my pen that has “f*ck this sh*t” written on the side, two brilliant Christmas presents I got last year, and watching the world go by and not feeling guilty about it, is some of the best medicine you can get.

 

I’m sure if there are any people sitting here watching me writing with a bloody great stupid looking smile on my face, frantically writing away, probably imagine I’ve lost the plot.

 

Remember, Live, love, laugh.

                 

                                            Take care,

                                                       

                                                           Gary x

Thinking

So I’ve  been thinking a bit about where my life is headed. I’m really excited and looking forward to starting archery, as a new hobby. I’m also enjoying my writing and blogging  as well. But I can’t stop feeling that something is missing, that something is not quite right. I just can’t put my finger on what it is, and it’s driving me mad not knowing.

All in all I really had a good day today. Went out for lunch to a place called Wagamamas, met up with friends, great food, great restaurant, had a laugh and a chat. Celebrated a birthday. Getting more comfortable and confident in using my wheelchair.

Hot weather is not helping, pain levels are driving me up the wall, especially my back and neck,  not sleeping great, feeling a little down, a little depressed, a bit flat, a bit confused, which takes me full circle back to feeling like something is missing.

This requires further investigation,  just not tonight

Take care

Gary x

Always Forward, Forward Always.

The title is a line from one of my favourite television series “Luke Cage”. Now I’m definitely not Luke Cage, but the line has stuck in my head since the first time I  heard it, and is meaning is something I  want to live by.

I  have decided to stop letting the past have control over me, my boots of crippling worrying about things I am no longer able to do, my fear of using my wheelchair in public, because of some of the abuse and discrimination I have received in public, when using my crutch or parking in a disabled space, or even out with my camera has brought sneers and stares.

I have decided to get past these negative things and get over my self doubt. My first step has been to start writing, just getting everything I think and feel down on paper. Seeing everything written down in front of me, helps me get some perspective on the changes going on in my life, it also helps me with decisions I  need to make.

Another thing I have started doing again, has been to get out with my camera again it’s something I love, and even though my first solo trip to the nature reserve in a long time ment having the first hide door shut in my face, with 3 people shushing me and telling me to be quiet, amazingly I managed not to be rude to them(a minor miracle), so I  moved onto the second hide, it was empty so I picked a good spot to sit, and withing 10 minutes I was visited by a Kingfisher and it remained for around 5 minutes.

The best bit of the day came next when 3 young people living with cerebral palsy came into the small hide with their carers, it was a tight squeeze but we all fitted in, lots of talking, lots of laughter, and I think I was even able to help them by telling them what I  knew about what the could see on the pond and what the  names of the birds were, this is what nature is all about and it put a big smile on my face. This experience then lead me into my third positive act.

That encounter with those six people in the second hide, had really given my self esteem a massive boost and made me feel a lot more positive about meeting a bunch of strangers about joining an archery club, which turned out to be an amazing experience, and now I can’t wait to become a member.

So, I now have good supportive family and friends around me to help and encourage me, plus  activities and a social that will have a positive effect on my mental and physical health, I know I’m not where I  want to be yet, but at least I am steadily moving forward.

Oh, and one last thing, with some help from my brother my writing shed is finally finished and fully solar powered, so now I’m really looking forward to using it. Cheers bruv.

Take care everyone, and keep an eye out for those positive moments,

Always forward, forward always,

Gary x

 

Bows & Arrows

Not a bad weekend, my pain levels were fairly high, but I was determined that that wouldn’t stop me from trying something new.

For a while now I’ve been doing a lot of research into looking for an activity or sport that I could enjoy and get some exercise from.

So I asked myself some questions  and this is the answer I came up with.

  1. I wanted it to be something with a social aspect to kt and not something I would have to do on my own.
  2. It needed to be something I really wanted to do.
  3. I wanted it to be something I could indoors or outdoors.
  4. It had to be something that wouldn’t be cost prohibitive as I not exactly rich.
  5. It also needed to be something I would enjoy and exercise for me at the same time.
  6. And finally it needed to be something I could do whilst using my wheelchair.

The big question – Did I find something?

The equally big answer – Yes I did.

After much research I finally contacted an Archery club last Wednesday, explaining what I wanted to do, and also asked if They catered for wheelchair users, I then asked if I would I be able to go along on Saturday to see the facility and ask a few questions, and also speak to a few members if possible, thankfully the answer was yes.

So on Saturday I arrived at the archery club around 9 am. I was feeling excited yet nervous. I met with Paul the head coach, who showed me around the range, and went through the range etiquette and rules with me, before introducing me to a couple of the other members.

Firstly he introduced me to Colin, who is also a wheelchair user. Colin was a really nice guy, we had a really good chat and a laugh, the other guy was Neil  who was another coach and also a nice guy. Now because I hadn’t completed the beginners/safety course I wasn’t actually able to shoot any arrows. ThankfullyColin allowed me to sit in his wheelchair, then they showed me how to sit properly, then hold and use a bow.

As a beginner and a wheelchair user they let me practice with one of the club bows, the type of bow I practiced my technique on was called a compound bow.

martin-krypton

The reasoning behind using one of these is.

  1. They are easier to use as a beginner shooting form the seated position
  2. They are fairly light.
  3. They look damn cool
  4. And the pressure can be adjusted.

I now realise I  have muscles where I didn’t know I had muscles, so I will definitely be getting some exercise.

So everything on my needs & wants list ticked.  Result. I will be doing my initial training course on the afternoons of 10th & 17th August and I  can’t wait.

Take care

Gary x

 

 

 

 

 

Peaceful morning

What a great morning, the sun was shining, a cool breeze was blowing, and the birds were singing in the bushes and trees.

Im now enjoying my coffee, Dora is sleeping at my feet on the patio, after I spent about 20 minutes brushing her, the resulting pile of fur is now being carried off by the little sparrow’s to line there newly built nests.

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Perfect start to the day.

Take care,

Gary x

 

Not Good

Not the best of weekends,  on top of my ever present widespread pain and fatigue, I woke up this morning with the beginnings  of a throat/chest infection, so pain and fatigue has ratcheted up.

Also this morning, my final pay packet dropped onto the doormat reminding me that I only have 18 days to go before I  become unemployed, I’ve accepted and understand that I  am now too sick to work. There are and never will be any bad feelings, as the last 2 years have been brilliant.

There is always a good chance of not being able to work again as in being employed and that makes me sad, but I’ve been making plans and have been looking into getting set up as self employed, so I’m feeling pretty positive about that.

I will miss the daily routine of my current job that I love, and the daily contact with my amazing colleagues. I know I’ll still get to meet up with them from time to time for coffee and a chat, and I know  I can contact them anytime I want.I will also be looking forward to being able to help out by volunteering from time to time when I am feeling well enough.

Finally this afternoon I have my first meeting with the physiotherapist, I’ve really been looking forward to this meeting as its been a long wait and I’m positive I will learn something I can use that will help me in some way, just wish I wasn’t feeling so crappy.

Take care

Gary x

Forgetting

As someone who lives with several long term health condition’s, I  think I’m qualified to speak on the subject of forgetting.

I’m so lucky to have such a great network of family and friends, who look out for me and look after me. Making sure I rest enough, eat right, drive me around, phone me up, message me, text me, Facebook me, take me out for coffee and a chat, the list of things people do for me is endless. They don’t do it because they want anything in return, they do it because they want to, because they like me or they love me or maybe it’s because they are just made that way,  caring, compassionate, nice people.

One thing I know I’m guilty of at the moment, is forgetting about the needs and the health of those who give up there time for me, and that time is one of the most precious gifts someone can give.

At the moment somebody I know, someone who puts so much of her time and effort into looking out for and helping others. A person who never asks for anything in return, who wears her heart on her sleeve, and is compassionate beyond words, has been struggling  herself. Now I realise if I look back over the last few months, I can see that I missed a lot of the signs that things weren’t quite right, and did nothing because I’ve been so wrapped up with me, I’m not trying to make an excuse. What  I’m trying to say is I’m not sure when I stopped, but I really need to start looking out for those who look out for me.

The person I am referring to is one of the nicest, hard working, considerate, unselfish,  funny, amazing human beings I have ever had the pleasure to know, second only to my beautiful  wife.

I’m sure this lady knows I am writing about her, I hope you don’t find all this embarrassing, I  just wanted to write down what I’m thinking and feeling today. I know I  can be a bit dense at times, but I genuinely worry and care about those who help me.

I hope you feel better soon, make sure you take all the time you need and all the sunshine you need to get back to being you. Enjoy your time off as much as you possibly can, you’ve done so much to help me over the last few years, without me ever having to ask, I  know you have a great family and friends around you, but please let me know if there is ever anything I can do to help you.

“Work to live, don’t live to work”

Take care

Gary x

 

Pain

Sometimes I wonder how in the hell can my pain levels increase any more but they do, I never know how long these periods will last, could be hours, days or even weeks, and so far this episode is 3 days in and counting. It actually reached the point last  night,  I  was wishing that if  having your legs amputated was an option I would go take it.

I’m not making light of amputation or making a joke of it, I  have seriously thought of talking to my specialist about it, as I have heard of people having this done, though I believe it is very much a last resort. For me at the moment the doctor’s have gone as far as they can down the medication pain relief and nothing has even come close.

The pain in my legs has been pretty much 24 x 7 for the last 8 years and steadily getting worse, but at times like these I just feel like I’m going out of my mind. The pain just takes over and blocks everything else out, it makes it almost impossible for me to concentrate on anything, do anything, or even think straight. It’s taken so many tries just to write this.

It’s  also at times like this I  have to try and convince myself that maybe there will be a medical  breakthrough around the corner, it’s  a real battle to remain positive  during these times, but it still doesn’t stop the real dark thoughts creeping in at times.

Going crazy, but not quite there yet, take care,

Gary x

Life – Death -Feelings.

I’m  having a strange old time at the moment. On Monday last weeweek I found out my stepfather had died, he’d been diagnosed with an Auto Imune Disorder, but he died from a blood clot caused by all of the treatment he received just before be was going to be discharged. Now I  can’t speak for my brother or my step brothers but I don’t feel anything. From the age of 12 until I was 28 he was my step father but pretty much in name only, he was rarely home, spent most of his time at work. He was production manager  at PYE Records. When he was home he would pretty much keep to himself and listen to music with his headphones on, that’s how  I remember him, cold and distant.

When I was 28 he and my Mum separated and divorced. I won’t go into the reasons for the marriage breaking down because it’s not relevant.  I think in the last 29 years I probably  saw my stepfather once, at the funeral of his 2nd son and my younger stepbrother. I feel sad for my step brothers though, because they have lost their father which must be heartbreaking for them.

I guess now that I  have written it down and read it back to myself, I  understand why I feel nothing. It’s because  I never really got to know him, he never met my daughters, so I guess that’s why I never thought of him as a father, and that is why I don’t know how miss him, or how I feel about him

So why did I want  to write this down, well what got me thinking about it today, Monday, was that I had to go for my monthly blood tests because I take some very strong medication for my Auto Immune Disorder. I wanted to write it down, so I could make sense of it in my head, and I’m glad I did as writing it down has really helped me to understand why I don’t feel anything g towards him, and I’m okay with the answers I found.

It’s just gone midnight, in the early hours of Tuesday morning. It’s my youngest daughter Erin’s 21st birthday today, the balloons and the banners are up, the presents and cards are laid out, tonight will be dinner with the family, the weekend just gone was all about partying with her friends. So feeling pretty proud and happy at the moment. My other 2 daughters will be 23 and 25 this year and I’m very proud to, this year is also my 25th wedding anniversary which also makes me very happy, all in all this year is going to be a good year .

Where the hell does the time go?

So in the words of  the truly great, Bill and Ted, “Party on dude”

Take care

Gary x

School Daze

I grew up in Mitcham, in the London Borough of Merton. My mother was Irish, Roman Catholic, my Dad was a London boy and slightly Church of England, which meant, of course, my younger brother and I were going to be raised as good Roman Catholic boys. Our first school was called St Peter & St Pauls Roman Catholic, Primary School. I would say it was your typical RC London school, too much religion for my liking, but hey it was what it was.

As I said it was your typical school. We had the guy who would eat a worm or a spider for a dare, there was the girl who would always do handstands and show you her knickers for the price of a sweet, and the kid who would always pee himself in the classroom because he was too scared of the teacher to put his hand up to go to the toilet because he was embarrassed about asking in front of others9that must have been tough). We even had a few of the 7/8 yr old kids who used to smoke behind the bike shed(this was the late 60s early 70s after all).

I was one of the quiet, awkward kids, who didn’t seem to quite fit in, I didn’t want to be noticed, hated being the center of attention, crap at sport, always one of the last to be picked for the football or rounders team, unlike my brother who was an excellent footballer and always one of the first to be picked for any team.

As a result of my awkwardness, quietness and constantly being off school sick I had a definite lack of confidence, friends, and my social skills were rubbish, it was also a time for me that would have a big impact on my relationship with the Catholic Church and it was called first Holy Communion, I hated studying for it, I didn’t want to do it and it turned out to be my first step in moving over to the dark side of moving over to atheism, for me the big battle would come when I reached 12 yrs old, the church and I were never going to be friends and 50 years later it’s still not for me, my Mum was never happy about my  lack of love with religion but she eventually came to accept it.

When I was 8  my parents divorced, this was a traumatic time for me, I didn’t understand what was going on, I never asked my brother how he felt about it, and I even started thinking it was my fault. Then our dad moved out and I turned into the antichrist, my brother and my mum became the focus of that anger.

By the time I’d started St Thomas of Canterbury, middle school, religion and me were on very thin ice. One of my teachers was a nun. If have you ever seen the nun in the film the Blues Brothers, she used the same punishment a rap across the knuckles with a wooden ruler which bloody hurt, her Maths lesson was always intertwined with religious stories which meant I would just switch off. I guess this was my first real experience of bullying, the next was the PE teacher who was a really nasty piece of work.

Now I know I keep referring to my poor health and at this time of my life, my egg allergy  caused fairly regular visits to St Georges Hospital, my chronic Asthma which would cause several bouts of Bronchitis a year and would put me in St Hiliers Hospital at least once a year, usually during the winter, cold air and London smog do not mix well.

Anyway back to the PE teacher, it was a really cold day, and very smoggy , My asthma was playing up, so I had brought a letter into school from my mum, to excuse me from cross country running, which was held on Mitcham Common, what this man did to me scarred me for the rest of my school days especially when it meant doing sport. After the teacher had read my mum’s note, he threw it in the bin then marched me into the gym in front of the class, he sat down put me across his knee pulled down my school shorts and slippered me with my own plimsole, whilst telling them I was a poof and a weakling for letting my asthma stop me from running which actually helps asthmatics, this was a mixed school so what he did was beyond embarrassing.

It was my final year at St Thomas’s, I was 12 yrs old and I had to do my confirmation after much arguing and fighting with my mother I went through with it, I had to or I wouldn’t get my new Blazer. I hated doing it, then the next day everything went bang, I was dragged in front of the Headmaster for laughing in assembly during the Lord’s prayer, I don’t know what started off my fit of giggles, but I just couldn’t stop. I was called into the headmaster’s office who was standing there with his cane in his hands, then I blurted out I hate God and I hate religion and I hate this bloody school. That was the last RC school I ever went to thankfully.

For my Last year living in London, I got to go to a school of my choice, Eastfields High School, a dream come true, Instead it turned into a nightmare, I ended up in the hospital and at home for 3 months because of my asthma. At 13 I moved with my family to West Sussex, for my sins, I had to go to Forest Boys Comprehensive school, I was told I wasn’t allowed to carry on with the subjects I had chosen the year before German, Art and general Science, instead, I was put into Drama, Geology and Social Economics.

As it turned out, these subjects were undersubscribed and there were no sets, I liked the teachers, funnily enough, I did well in these classes and got two of my highest grades. As  for my main subjects, my grades weren’t as good as they should have been, though that was partly down to the teachers who weren’t really interested in those students who weren’t in sets 1 or 2 in Maths and English, and partly down to me having finally given up on a school system that had given up on me.

But it didn’t stop me going to college, It didn’t stop me from traveling the world for 15 years in an amazing job, going to fantastic places, seeing some awesome sights and meeting some truly wonderful people. I have also finished my working career as I will soon be released on medical grounds from a totally amazing job within the NHS.

Everything has worked ok in the end, no grudges, no regrets.

I just want to be clear I don’t hate any religion, personally, I don’t think that religion would make me any better as a person, but if it helps you if it’s your thing That’s good.

“Carpe Diem”

Party on dude,

Gary x

Scary Stare

The Wife has been collecting items for The Ingfield Manor Fete, which is this weekend. Unfortunately, there is one item that has me a little spooked the item is a 3/4 size stuffed toy, Lion.

Personally, I think the damn thing is possessed it is laying on the sofa to my Left, which means every time I turn to the left to look into the garden it’s right there in front of my face staring at me occasionally I forget it is there and almost have a damn heart attack.

So here is a picture of the view I see.

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I’m thinking of calling a priest in to carry out an Exorcism. How did this become a child’s cuddly toy? It looks more like Scar than Simba.

Have a great day and don’t look at the picture for too long.

Take care.

Gary x

EPP ​Volunteer Lunch

I enjoyed a very nice bucket of black coffee this morning at a garden center restaurant near Littlehampton, It was so nice to catch up with the EPP office crew minus Danny, sadly, and as it was volunteers day so it was great to catch up with some of the volunteer tutors, it was really good to see some familiar faces and a shame that everybody wasn’t able to make it.

It was good to rest the old vocal cords today and just listen to others for a change, as I commented to my Guv’nor. It was a great chance to hear how everyone has been keeping and getting on with the courses whilst I have been on long term sick leave. I even got to enjoy a bit of people watching for a while, which happens to be one of my favourite pastimes. The only problem was nothing really happened in the restaurant worth commenting about.

And last but not least, it was great to see Treacle the medical alert dog today, so glad he was able to come along, although when I got home I could tell that my dog wasn’t happy with me.

Thanks for chauffeuring me around today Sue, it was very much appreciated and great to catch up.

Karen thanks for organising today I really enjoyed myself, I think the new office pens are a wonderful colour and the logos are inspired.

One last thing I have finally got my first Physio appointment on the 24th  June 2019.

Take care

Gary x

I Can’t Unsee That.

Have you ever had one of those moments when  you’ve thought “Now I’ve seen that, I can never unsee it”. Well I had 2 instances like that today.

I was in town buying an Anniversary card and I started to head off home across the town square to get back to my car. Now, when I walk, I walk slowly with my head bent down slightly due to neck pain, then every now and again, I’ll look up to make sure I’m I not going to walk into something.

Anyway back to the story, so I was walking across the square when I looked up and the sight I beheld made me cringe inside. On the bench about 10 feet in front of me, was a lady. I’d say she was about 80 years old and she was reading the paper, I know your thinking that’s not so terrible.

The trouble is she was wearing a knee length skirt with her knees were very far apart and wearing no tights or stockings just bare white flesh. That sight is now burned into my brain and I’ll never be able to unsee it. I just hope she didn’t see the look of horror on my face.

I carried on across the square and made my way to the alley that leads to the car park, I could hear footsteps behind me which, sounded like high heels and whoever was wearing them made it sound like they were in a bit of a hurry. I’m not surprised as I’ve said before my walking is pretty slow these days. Then as we emerged from the alley this woman shot past me,.

she was a tall blond lady wearing a fur jacket and pale leather trousers. Now, it was a hot day and even at my slow speed I was perspiring. I don’t know if any of you have ever heard the noise that slightly sweaty skin makes when you sit down into a leather chair, move in it or get up out of it, well it sounds like a wet fart and that’s the only way I can describe it. So if you put together a hot day, leather trouser’s and perspiration you get the sound of a loud wet fart, it means every time her thighs brushed together you got a loud wet fart on rapid fire, it’s a sound I will never forget, I know I should have felt sorry for her, but I was too busy wetting myself laughing and I so needed a good laugh.

take care

Gary x

 

Writing – Changing

The purpose of this piece is for me to get used to writing, so hopefully the more writing I do the better I get. I’m sure there are many spelling mistakes and grammatical errors as you read through this but this is about learning and finding what kind of writer I’m going to be, so all of your comments will be of great value. In September I start a 10 week creative writing workshop, hopefully, I will have figured out how to use the spelling & grammar checker by then. So please be kind, be brutal, but above all please be honest about what you think.

Title:- Changed

Last weekend I started reading the biography about an Idol of mine, comedian & Film star Robin Williams. Reading it brought up emotions of sadness because he’d died & happiness because he made me & the world laugh. The very first time I saw Robin Williams was on the tv show Mork & Mindy, it made me laugh so hard I would have tears rolling down my face.

In the book many people were saying he was a comic genius, a legend, a star, I think he was just bloody awesome. He was one of those actors whose films would always cheer me up, they would always make me smile and laugh especially when I was feeling down. In the book people he performed with said he was an amazing guy to work with, he was always trying to make people laugh on set, always willing to help fellow cast & crew out & always helping those in need & those less fortunate. One example of his compassion reported that he would always insist that any of the films he worked in must always hire a number of the local homeless population to work on the set.

After reading the introduction and all the comments from his friends, colleagues, and family,. It moved on to tell his story. It started with at the end of his story with talking about his death at the age 63 & by the end of that first page I could feel a lump in my throat & could feel tears welling up also. I remember feeling the same way when his death was announced back in 2014. It made me think about a film I had recently seen; it was a documentary called RobinWilliams – Inside My Mind. It had its funny moments but was filled with heartbreak & sadness, he was an amazing human being, full of energy and laughter, but it showed he was also just a man who had his own demons & flaws such as drinking, drugs, anxiety & depression.

I got a bit distracted again at this point & started thinking about my own demons, my own long-term battle with my crappy health, depression & anxiety. So I decided I wanted to get my own story down on paper to bare my soul so to speak then share it on here.

Here we go.

I’ve pretty much had poor health since birth, though my battle with depression & anxiety didn’t start until much later(obviously). In fact, it started around the same time as the bullying I was experiencing did. I was about 11 when the bullying started firstly because I was rubbish at sport & didn’t feel like I fit anywhere, then it got worse when I got my girlfriend who was of Sri Lankan parentage even though she was born here. the verbal abuse from both British Asian kids & White British kids was equally as bad & it even got physical a few times. Going through school was the worst for verbal.

I was 13 when my family moved from South London to West Sussex, not long after the move, my episodes of depression began to get more frequent, I hated the countryside back then, I hated moving away from my Grandparents, I didn’t like my stepfather and I missed London, I became a right little shit (so I’ve been told). Around the age of 16, I started drinking and smoking, not a lot but I started, then after I’d had a teenage meltdown, I was sent to live My Father & Stepmother for 2 years by the age of 18 my drinking & smoking had become very heavy in fact I had turned into a drunk but not an alcoholic. It was also at this I met a girl who would eventually become wife even though over the next 5 years I was an absolute shit towards her, yet she has never gave up on me (madness, even I’d given up on me), but this year will be our silver wedding anniversary,  25 years ago was also when I also cut down on the drinking.

Then 13 years ago I quit smoking & drinking altogether which ended up being a stroke of luck because 6 months later, I was made redundant from a job I loved, the company was closing down and moving back to the good old U.S of A, one good thing to come out of this time was the bullying was finally over.(I was bullied for many different reasons over the years, in fact, I think I must have had the words bully me written on my forehead).

About 18 months after the redundancy a tragedy occurred that affected me badly. There was a serious road traffic accident. On my way into work at  new job one morning I came upon a serious road traffic accident, there were 3 of us that stopped to help the people in the 2 cars that had collided, we had to try to get the man trapped in the first car out,  one of the guy’s broke a rear window so I could crawl halfway into the car to hold the trapped man’s head steady, talk to  him and stop him from hurting himself even more, at the same time the guy who had broken the window went around to the other side to try to gain access through the other door but with no luck, the third bloke stayed with the other driver trying to keep him calm.

The Police, Fire Rescue, and Paramedics were pretty quick, I explained to the paramedic what was going on with the injured driver whilst I had been with him. The police asked the 3 of us that had tried to help to wait by our cars to be interviewed individually. About 20 minutes after our statements a police officer came across to us and told that there was nothing that could have done to save him, that he had died from his injuries. He advised us that we should all go home due to the shock of what had happened. We drove off & the next thing I remember was sitting in my van outside the house. As I opened the front door I saw all the dried blood on my arms and hands, I looked up saw my wife then I just broke. I can’t remember how long she held me for, but I am so glad she hadn’t left for work. For the next 6 months, I couldn’t leave the house, I couldn’t even open the door, I’d also lost my job & it took me a long time to get over it.

For the next 18 months, I spent my time doing a lot of volunteering on conservation projects. I worked outside with a group of people with similar health problems, it was exactly what I needed to get better, getting back to nature and working with my hands again was the medicine I needed & it helped me find myself again, it helped me recover enough to look for another job, things were finally getting better.

8 years ago my physical health started to nosedive again, I began falling over at work, I was in constant pain, I was becoming forgetful & at times confused. Now, those of you that knew me back in my drinking days are probably thinking, hmmm sounds like you’re still a pisshead Gary, the problem was I had been off the sauce for 12 years(not fair). I saw the GP who sent me to a Rheumatologist who in turn diagnosed me with Fibromyalgia. None of the pain killers they tried me on came even close to helping with the pain. The GP then sent me off to see a pain specialist. I was told it was unlikely I’d never work again, that my life as I knew it was over & I would have learned new ways to do things I was then released on medical grounds from the company I worked for.

After all this I started to feel that I was losing control of my life, that nothing was under my control anymore, my anxiety & depression were rising again, my physical health was getting worse, there seemed to be very little out there to help me cope with what was happening, I started attending CBT courses, 3 in fact one after the other to try and help me cope, but it just wasn’t for me. My mental and physical health were spiralling downwards & I was having some very dark thoughts. I was getting really scared.

Then on a visit to a medical drop in centre I overheard 2 old dears talking about a free NHS service called the Expert Patient Programme which helped people living with long term health conditions to live better. I had never heard of it before but thought I might as well give it a go, if it had worked for them maybe it could help me. So when I got home I contacted the service and got myself booked onto the next available course near to where I lived. I wasn’t very confident before I went as nothing else had worked for me, Then I thought what did I have to loose? I turned up for the first session of the 6 week course, it would be 2.5 hours 1 day a week for 6 weeks. As I walked through the door I remember thinking, what the hell am I doing here? But as the course got going I remember thinking it felt very different from anything else I had done & asked myself again, is this really going to work for me?

After all the introductions we learned that the tutors were also living with their own long-term health conditions, they had all been participants & completed the course themselves. They said they’d gotten so much out of the course they decided to become volunteer Tutors, I mean volunteers, wow that really struck me. Another thing was they talked to us, not at us, they were engaging with us, not judging us but asking us to give it a go, after all, they were living proof that the service worked. So after I left that day I decided I would go back for week 2.

The things the tutors were saying to us made sense, the coping techniques they demonstrated actually worked. The tutors came across as positive, compassionate, and understanding people who got us, they really understood what we were going through, it showed us we were not alone, and it showed me it was ok to smile and laugh without feeling guilty. The change in me was massive and quick, by week 3 my wife was telling me she couldn’t believe the difference the course was making, I was more confident, positive & happier, that I was talking and laughing more. So on week 4, I plucked up the courage and asked if I could become a volunteer tutor. Now public speaking was some really scary shit for me, I knew I would be well outside my comfort zone.  But 4 months later I finished my training and 6 weeks after that I started delivering my first course. I loved it. Since then my health has had many ups and downs.

But the main thing was I had my various families to support me, there was my wife and 3 daughters, my brother and his family, my work family & my fellow tutor’s & participant family. Then 2 years ago a dream came true for me, not only was I a volunteer tutor but I was also working as the Expert Patient Programme Administrator, it was a job I loved & life was good. Then 11 months ago my health decided to nosedive again & I was placed on long term sick leave. I’m still off sick now but in 3 weeks time, I will be going through the process of being released on medical grounds. This time though things will be different as I am far more prepared this time. I have been looked after supported & helped by my friends at work & my family at home, which includes my lovely Dog Dora.

I’ve started making a long term plan, which is to become a writer, what type of writer I will be I don’t know yet, but I’m enjoying the journey now that it has started, with all the reading writing and blogging I am doing these day’s I know one day it will happen.

There really is no way to thank all the people in my life who have helped and supported me over the last 8 years, but I love you all because you have all helped me arrive where I am today.

So now it’s on to the next chapter fo me although I will still be looking forward to coffee with the boss and volunteering in the office with my colleagues when I can. There’s no chance of work getting rid of me completely I’m afraid. The Service is known as EPP for short but is also known as the Living Well Course. If you like the sound of it & fancy giving it a go, make the call you have nothing to lose & everything to gain, it worked for me after all. I’ve written this in the hope that my story may help some of you.

Take care

Gary

Ok, so I am going to go a little bit Hollywood now &  thank some of the people who have helped me get to this point in my life.

So First to my Mum who never gave up on me even though I could be a right little shit(apparently), Thank you to my long-suffering wife Tracey, to my 3 yes 3 beautiful grown-up daughters Sian, Keri & Erin who’ve put up with my bad sense of humour on a daily basis. I’d like to thank my workmates Karen the Boss & Natalie (aka Danny Dyer) & Sue the co-ordinator’s who’ve had to put up with me being such an awesome administrator in my opinion. To all the amazing tutors & participants I have met along the way & last but not least some good friends, to Marion who was also my mum’s best friend We should meet up for a coffee soon, to Shelly & Ian who helped me get through the first couple of years and introduced me to the lovely Jenner & Ken who allowed me into there lives, I know I’m crap at keeping in touch & I need to rectify that.

Finally, to all those, I have not mentioned but are just as important.

Thank you all so much.

And finally again, a big thank you to Robin Williams for making me laugh, for making me cry, for being a hero to me & whose story has inspired me to write this piece.

Day 6, My First Attempt

The next post will be my first attempt at writing, if you have the time please read through it and let me know what you think about it, honesty please.

I want writing to become a big part of my life’s reading has. So I need to start sharing, I need to start getting pieces written and out there for all to see.

The first piece I have written how my life has changed over the last 7 years and how I have I have become the person I am today. A pretty positive one.

A little heads up on what I am living with health wise these days. I have allergies to eggs, fowl and peanuts. I live with anxiety, depression, Asthma, Type 2 Diabetes, Osteoporosis (spinal damage), undiagnosed MS (Spinal cord liaison), Neuropathy, Tested positive for Sarcoidosis (in remisson) and to top it all off Fibromyalgia.

What Do You See?

 

What do you see, when you look at me?

Do you see a man with a different way of thinking for getting form A to B,

Or a different way of physically getting from here to there,

Do you see the labels, disabled, crippled, broken, second class, scrounger,

I don’t want to be like this, I don’t want you to think like that,

Being different like I am is not a way of living we choose,

Being different is about choosing how we live because we are this way,

If I need help, I have learned to ask, if I don’t I have learned to say No,

And we must be polite when we do so,

We need acceptance for who we are, to be respected, to be equals,

We need love when we feel down, understanding when frustrated,

Friendship when lonely, and need help when we can’t manage,

We have the same likes such as, sport or reading or going to the beach,

And the same dislikes, taxes, racism or not being in charge of the TV remote.

We also have likes

The occasional beer and a pizza, a Larger and a nice hot ruby,

(a Ruby = Ruby Murray = Curry)

the chance to go to a concert or see a  film at the cinema,

everyone needs there relationships,

Someone to love, to laugh with, to cry with,

And those that get us and see past the differences,

For some our differences are visible, whilst for others, they are not so much,

But it’s okay to ask us about our differences, we don’t bite unless you want us to,

So don’t be a stranger, come and say hi, just try not to stare it’s not very nice,

Don’t pity us, understand us, don’t blame us, get to know us,

Were as human as you, with a little bit extra, or a little bit less,

We laugh, we cry, we live, we die, we also have a wicked, even dark sense of humour,

Please don’t dismiss us, or ignore us, do not pity us, or feel sorry for us,

Listen when we talk, understand what we need and help if we ask, please,

But we must also do our part,

We must listen when you talk, understand when you need, be a friend when you need,

But communication cut’s both ways and both way’s must get better,

We’re really not that different if we only take the chance and let each other in,.

We’re all only human after all.

 

Practicing my scribblings I hope you like, not sure it could be classed as poetry, I just needed to get it out. (The words that are, not anything else), see Humour.

Take care

Gary x

 

 

Day 4 Wheels

Damn the pain is crazy bad today in my neck and spine, legs are like jelly. Definitely  having a crap morning, overdid it yesterday.

It ended up as a wheelchair day today, I know I need to be using it a lot more these days. I just need to stop thinking about how others will look at me. I was the same when I started using a stick. Stupid I know but I can be Bloody stubborn at times

Shock horror, using the chair worked, I was able read a large part of the book “Writing the damn book” which I’m pleased about, and I ended up getting down loads of ideas, possible titles and a couple of mind maps. So it’s ended up being a really productive day. A small step closer to writing a book myself.

Take care

Gary x

 

Day 3 The Nature Reserve

Another beautiful sunny day

Ok, so today is a me day.

Dora took me for a short walk this morning, luckily she walks even slower than I do which is a plus. I loved every minute of it and even though the walking part is agony and I know will pay for it later. I’d planned for this and to me, it’s worth the extra pain, to do something I rarely get to do anymore. I really loved going for daily walks with her back when we could both manage it. Anyway, we made it back home in one piece and sat around in the garden, me drinking coffee waiting for my books to arrive and Dora sleeping. Exactly what we needed after the walk.

Books arrived, can’t wait to start reading them.

Once the wife home from work, I got my camera gear ready. She’s going to drop me off at the local nature reserve on her way into town.

I have a bit of a ritual when I  go to the reserve before I do anything I have a cup off coffee and a small packet of Jelly Babies.

Once the refreshments were out of the way I made my way to the hide to observe nature. I just love sitting there overlooking the large pond watching the birds that were there Heron’s, Coots, Terns, Great Crested Grebes, a Cormorant, and some seagulls.

What caught my attention though was a pair of broad bodied chasers (Dragonflies) one blue the other yellow. They were chasing each other backward and forward with brief periods of mating whilst flying. Now I love photographing dragonflies though it’s not easy as they are so damn fast I managed to get a couple of half-decent ones, which you can see below.

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With about 30 minutes to go, I made my way back to the cafe, it was too late for a coffee so I went over to the chicken coup that they have to take a couple of chicken pics for my youngest daughter who loves chickens. I think the came out ok.

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So now it’s blog time then bedtime, I’m completely knackered.

Bring on tomorrow a day of reading, writing and relaxing,

Take care

Gary x

A good day

Day 2 of the journey#

Good start to the day managed to get through e-mails and twitter in record time this morning and I was able to get yesterdays blog published as I had misjudged how long it would take last night, lesson learned started earlier tonight, result

Out in the garden again updating my journaal listening to kiss (the band not the radio station) and the coffee is tasting good.

Not sure what is going on, police with there blues and two’s on racing down the A29 to Adversane. Now there’s a police helicopter flying around overhead. Popped to the shop to get a coke zero and saw a van load of coppers heading towards the A29 as well,  police helicopter has been up there for about 40 mims now.

Heard later there was an armed robbery in one incident and in another incident a woman was killed in a road accident on the A29 at Adversane.

Managed to finish the book “Get Your Sh*t Together” reccomend it to everyone. Tomorrow I have a new book arriving, called “Write the Damn Book” for creative people who have a hard time finishing things. Very apt for me.

Hoping to go to the nature reserve tomorrow with my camera, I love going there because it is so peaceful and the cafe make a nice cuppa coffee.

onwards and upwards, let’s see what tomorrow brings

Lets be careful out there

Gary x

 

 

Day 1, The Journey Begins.

For the last few months I’ve pretty much been drifting along like one of those tumbleweeds you see in the movies. Thing is at some point in the next month I will be given notice due to illness at my place of employment and it s all very amicable.

so about a week ago I started reading a book that I got for my Birthday. The book is called “Get Your Sh*t Together” by Sarah Knight. Now I have plenty of experience in setting long term and short term goals, but I’d lapsed, no motivation, lots of things I wanted to do, but I had turned into the great procrastinator, I couldn’t be arsed.

Anyway the book has given me the kick up the arse I needed to start making plans (about bloody time) for my future, to live heathier, earn a living and make time for doing the things that I want and need to do. The book is humorous, uses a lot of profanities about the serious subject of planning for the future, writing lists and setting goals, the perfect book for me, I reccomend it to anyone.

GOALS

Long term – To earn a living from writing and to lose weight

Short term – Create structure in my life by using weekly timetables. The timetables will be further broken down into daily tasks of what needs to be done and what I must do  by prioritising  each task.

I feel really positive and confident that I am doing this the right way and for the right reasons, the main ones being it’s what I need to do and what I want to do.

Ok, day 1, The journey begins. 23/05/2019

I  booked myself onto a creative writing course starting in September 2019.

Went down the village collected my bag of medication and got my haircut, two birds with one stone.

Researched helpful websites, subscribed to a YouTube programme, joined a couple of mailing lists and purchased a couple of books.

ME TIME – sat in the garden with my dog Dora, sunshine on my back, the sound of tmany birds singing in the trees and jotting ideas down in my journal. Perfection and one of the most important tasks on my daily timetable.

After lunch I met with my Boss, we went for a coffee and a chat about my impending  release from my job on medical grounds and chatting over my plans for the future.

It’s been a job I’ve loved doing with an amazing team of people. I can truly say I will miss the job and miss working for the NHS. It has been an honour and a pleasure, and I will definitely be keeping in touch with my workmates.

After getting back home from meeting up with my boss I took a bit of time to reflect on everything  we had spoken about, I updated my jornal whilst sitting in the garden with my dog who laid there fast asleep cooking in the sun pretending to listen to me, this is not being lazy but me making sure I don’t overdo things,  today was a good day, which has helped me feel a little more positive for the future

I am going to make a blog each day with updates on my progress, as I  think this will be a good platform for me on my journey, writing about my plans, my health and any situations and observations I encounter. The aim will be to publish my blog at the end of each day.

Be kind to each other, please leave comments and criticism’s, always appreciated even though I can’t guarantee I will act on them

Gary x