Work Capability Assessment.

Back in June,  I was released by my employer as an administrator for the NHS on medical grounds, because I had been off work for over a year. The contract termination was handled with compassion and fairness, and I remain on really good terms with my old co-workers and have regular catch-ups and coffee.

The next step was to sign on for unemployment. Now when I signed on for social security payments, the staff made me feel like something they’d scraped off the bottom of there shoes, they made me feel worthless, that it was all my fault I couldn’t work. There was absolutely no offer of help, nothing about what they would do to help me, all I got was  a contract I had to sign to get money, what it also  says, is you must do everything they say when they say, or you will be sanctioned, which means your money will be stopped, 3 sanctions and they stop your money for 3 years. Even though I am unable to work due to complex medical conditions, I  am still made to grovel for help.

Now I had been signed off work  by my doctor indefinitely, but the jobcentre tell me I will have to attend a work capability assessment, the reason for this assessment is because they don’t believe me,and they don’t believe what 7 medical specialists have said and diagnosed over the last 7 years, plus reports from several General practitioners. The stress they put me under is inhuman, they made me feel worthless,  a liar and a cheat.

Well it’s now 5 months since I signed on, and  Monday I finally had to attend my Work capability assessment. It’s just over an hours drive to get there, though any travelling over 30 mins these days is difficult and extremely painful. Luckily I had a lot of help to get me there from good friends Karen and Sue,  so I  wouldn’t have to drive.

When we arrived at the centre we found that the only disabled parking bay was about 25 yds from the main entrance of the jobcentre, and was on a slight slope, not helpful when your disabled, and because your there for a work capability assessment your can’t use it, instead you have to make your way down and around  the outside of the building, then you have to go down a driveway that has to be another 75 yds to the assessment centre entrance, only, the top of the driveway is coned off so  you can’t be driven and dropped off.

Anyway we arrived on time, in fact we were 15 mins early, unfortunately  we had to wait around for  an hour past my appointment  time. The receptionist did apologise and said it won’t be much  longer as your assessor is just reading your notes. Now I’m sure that some of you will be saying , oh well shit happens an hours not too long to wait, so let me put it from my side, in the contract I had to sign, it states that if I am late for or miss my appointment I  will be sanctioned and lose my benefits, then the week before the appointment I received several texts reminding me to attend, and reminding me that  my benefits will be affected if I don’t attend, then to top it all off I  got a phone call to remind me about attending. So by Friday night my stress levels were through the roof.

They already have the information which they will question me on, because they sent me a 20 page questionnaire  to fill out before I attended,  I  also had to take along proof of the medications I take, MRI Scan pictures of the damaged area of my spine and the spinal cord inflammatory scar. In fact proof of just about everything. About half way through the questioning the doctor tells me she hasn’t read my notes and  she doesn’t really know much about Osteoperosis. I was told the doctor had read my notes and they would have a good understanding of my conditions,  what a joke. Once the ordeal was over, Karen  asked them if we could leave through the jobcentre entrance as I was struggling, so it only took us less than a minute to get outside to the car park. So why make people take the long way, why make it harder.  It makes you think.

Now I just have to wait, to see if they think I  am fit for work, or not, by there standards not medical ones, and I  have no idea when I will find out.

I have to say that they way this Tory government, the DWP, Jobcentre +, ATOS, & MAXIMUS, treat the sick, the disabled, the homeless and the poor is disgusting and inhumane. Why are we demonised? Why are we penalised? Why can this not be carried out with compassion and fairness?

Why?

I still feel I am one of the lucky ones though, simply because I have an amazing support group of family and friends around me, but for those who don’t  have that, and end up homeless, or end up taking there own lives as so many 1000″s already have. It really makes me very angry, and it absolutely breaks my heart, nobody in the 21st century in the UK should be treated this badly . We are the Worlds 5th richest country.

Thank you Karen for accompanying  me, and supporting me during the assessment, and thank you Sue, for driving me to Brighton General for the first leg of my journey.

 

Take care all,

Gary x

 

25 Years

 

The 17th September was my 25th wedding anniversary, damn I looked good back then, what the hell happened? The Mrs hasn’t changed though.

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I’m so lucky to still be with the woman I fell in love, and still love with all my heart.

As a 25th present Tracey got me a silver Claddagh ring from a store called ‘The Great Frog’, on our wedding day Tracey gave me an antique gold claddagh from Galway.

Sorry about the hairy hand , should have combed it first.15700481248549133919374187270440

Then on the 19th September as part of our anniversary, we set off for a long weekend, to the city of Edinburgh. The city where my grandmother was born, grew up in, and was Married to my grandfather.

We stayed at a fantastic hotel called Motel One just down from the castle.  The city was more beautiful than I imagined it would be.

We visited the Castle and the Royal Mile,

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thankfully there are lots of coffee shops to rest along the route,  Tracey got to look around the shops, not my thing though, so I sat in a coffee shop and people watched.

We also took a bus tour, and stopped  to see the botanical gardens which were beautiful, lots of places to rest.

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Next stop was the Ocean terminal, where the royal yacht Britannia is berthed, so we did the tour , the yacht is fantastic and there is so much history, plus they have a working cafe on board, where you can get afternoon tea, being your typical Englishman I had a black coffee, whereas the wife who is a little more sophisticated had the afternoon tea option, which consisted of a small pot of English breakfast tea, a scone with a small pot of clotted cream and a small pot of jam, then to top it off , it comes with an Edinburgh pink gin. She will kill me for posting this picture.

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My God how many chins have I got now? Don’t answer that.

Once we arrived back at the hotel it was time for some refreshments, only the one though🍺 , the tartan pattern is very close to that of our family tartan.

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This spot was also the perfect place for a pint of cider and some people watching . Continue reading “25 Years”

That Friday feeling

So this Friday was a good day, andeven though things have been a bit rubbish lately, I  was still able to enjoy myself.

To start off, it was a beautiful sunny morning. So I  enjoyed my coffee in the garden with the dog.

Next I went for a haircut, which I have always found to be enjoyable and relaxing, except when I was a kid, I hated it then, I had a good reason though it was called Alopecia.

I also had a very nice lunch of French bread, and some homemade Leek & Potato soup, which I’d made the day before.

Afterwards it was time to be taken out for a coffee by one of the nicest people I know, I  always enjoy coffee with a friend .

But little did I know my day was about to get even better, I got home from coffee in a good mood, but the  missus was a bit stressed, so I suggested we go to a garden centre near Worthing so she could return something she had bought. The good part of the trip though was when I  suggested we go somewhere nice for dinner, just the two of us, so we went to “The Worlds End Pub”, the food was amazing as was the company.

It was date night, yay.

Remember the little things do add up.

Take care

Gary x

Always Forward, Forward Always.

The title is a line from one of my favourite television series “Luke Cage”. Now I’m definitely not Luke Cage, but the line has stuck in my head since the first time I  heard it, and is meaning is something I  want to live by.

I  have decided to stop letting the past have control over me, my boots of crippling worrying about things I am no longer able to do, my fear of using my wheelchair in public, because of some of the abuse and discrimination I have received in public, when using my crutch or parking in a disabled space, or even out with my camera has brought sneers and stares.

I have decided to get past these negative things and get over my self doubt. My first step has been to start writing, just getting everything I think and feel down on paper. Seeing everything written down in front of me, helps me get some perspective on the changes going on in my life, it also helps me with decisions I  need to make.

Another thing I have started doing again, has been to get out with my camera again it’s something I love, and even though my first solo trip to the nature reserve in a long time ment having the first hide door shut in my face, with 3 people shushing me and telling me to be quiet, amazingly I managed not to be rude to them(a minor miracle), so I  moved onto the second hide, it was empty so I picked a good spot to sit, and withing 10 minutes I was visited by a Kingfisher and it remained for around 5 minutes.

The best bit of the day came next when 3 young people living with cerebral palsy came into the small hide with their carers, it was a tight squeeze but we all fitted in, lots of talking, lots of laughter, and I think I was even able to help them by telling them what I  knew about what the could see on the pond and what the  names of the birds were, this is what nature is all about and it put a big smile on my face. This experience then lead me into my third positive act.

That encounter with those six people in the second hide, had really given my self esteem a massive boost and made me feel a lot more positive about meeting a bunch of strangers about joining an archery club, which turned out to be an amazing experience, and now I can’t wait to become a member.

So, I now have good supportive family and friends around me to help and encourage me, plus  activities and a social that will have a positive effect on my mental and physical health, I know I’m not where I  want to be yet, but at least I am steadily moving forward.

Oh, and one last thing, with some help from my brother my writing shed is finally finished and fully solar powered, so now I’m really looking forward to using it. Cheers bruv.

Take care everyone, and keep an eye out for those positive moments,

Always forward, forward always,

Gary x

 

Forgetting

As someone who lives with several long term health condition’s, I  think I’m qualified to speak on the subject of forgetting.

I’m so lucky to have such a great network of family and friends, who look out for me and look after me. Making sure I rest enough, eat right, drive me around, phone me up, message me, text me, Facebook me, take me out for coffee and a chat, the list of things people do for me is endless. They don’t do it because they want anything in return, they do it because they want to, because they like me or they love me or maybe it’s because they are just made that way,  caring, compassionate, nice people.

One thing I know I’m guilty of at the moment, is forgetting about the needs and the health of those who give up there time for me, and that time is one of the most precious gifts someone can give.

At the moment somebody I know, someone who puts so much of her time and effort into looking out for and helping others. A person who never asks for anything in return, who wears her heart on her sleeve, and is compassionate beyond words, has been struggling  herself. Now I realise if I look back over the last few months, I can see that I missed a lot of the signs that things weren’t quite right, and did nothing because I’ve been so wrapped up with me, I’m not trying to make an excuse. What  I’m trying to say is I’m not sure when I stopped, but I really need to start looking out for those who look out for me.

The person I am referring to is one of the nicest, hard working, considerate, unselfish,  funny, amazing human beings I have ever had the pleasure to know, second only to my beautiful  wife.

I’m sure this lady knows I am writing about her, I hope you don’t find all this embarrassing, I  just wanted to write down what I’m thinking and feeling today. I know I  can be a bit dense at times, but I genuinely worry and care about those who help me.

I hope you feel better soon, make sure you take all the time you need and all the sunshine you need to get back to being you. Enjoy your time off as much as you possibly can, you’ve done so much to help me over the last few years, without me ever having to ask, I  know you have a great family and friends around you, but please let me know if there is ever anything I can do to help you.

“Work to live, don’t live to work”

Take care

Gary x

 

Father’s Day

What a great day, started off with a rare cooked breakfast, opened my cards and presents.

  • 3 x Chilli plants an Etna 5th hottest in the world apparently, Scotch Bonnet hot but fruity Jamaican chilli, and an Apache haven’t tried these before.
  • 2 x bars of Lindt dark chocolate.
  • Book, Eric Idles biography
  • A voucher to spend on Amazon.

Nice easy day relaxing. First I planted my newly acquired Chilli plants, after that I decided to stay  outside in the garden  with the dog and  carried on reading my latest ook of  choice  “Catch 22”.

Below is a picture of my selection of books, that I will be reading in no particular order.

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A varied Selection I’m pleased to say,

My Eldest daughter arrived home just after lunch, she’d been to a concert at Wembley arena last night to see The Spice Girls.

My Wife arrived home about 3:30 as she had been working in Hampton today, on the way home she picked up the fathers day family dinner of Pizza, fries, garlic bread and Dr Pepper, my pizza was called the Etna, hot’n spicy. Heaven.

My youngest daughter arrived home around 5:30 almost all my daughters back home, the middle one is at Oxford Uni and wasn’t able to get home,

So all in all a pretty good day, and I even got to see the Red Arrows display  team fly overhead in V formation to the local airshow, so low you felt like you could al ost touch them, and engines roaring as loud as thunder, bloody amazing.

What a fantastic day,

Take care out there

Gary x

Thursday 13th June​ 2019

A date I will always remember, and It was probably the nicest way for anybody to lose their job, and for me nice is good.

I’d known the day was coming since the middle of May. Since the day of the last visit to the hospital pain clinic, when the treatment they tried failed in helping to reduce my pain. It was nobody’s fault, the treatment just didn’t work for me.

At that point, I knew the wheels would be put in motion the have me released from my contract on medical grounds. this would be the second time that this has happened to me, the last time was 7 years ago.

What was different this time, well firstly I knew what was going to happen, and secondly, I have been supported all the way through the process by the people I work for and those I work with. At no point during the last year was I made to feel like a burden which, to be honest, didn’t surprise me in the slightest, I was only ever told that my welfare comes first.

I am saddened that I will no longer be going into work, and not working with my friends and colleagues, which is what I will miss the most. This time though I have not been cut adrift and left to find things out for myself because they are still looking out for me and helping me.

That’s why today I’m feeling so lucky and positive, I have so many people in my life now that I am grateful for.

Goodnight have a great weekend and take care,

Gary x

Oh, and I’ve started to write a true love story, one I hope to finish writing in the next couple of weeks, fingers crossed.

Life – Death -Feelings.

I’m  having a strange old time at the moment. On Monday last weeweek I found out my stepfather had died, he’d been diagnosed with an Auto Imune Disorder, but he died from a blood clot caused by all of the treatment he received just before be was going to be discharged. Now I  can’t speak for my brother or my step brothers but I don’t feel anything. From the age of 12 until I was 28 he was my step father but pretty much in name only, he was rarely home, spent most of his time at work. He was production manager  at PYE Records. When he was home he would pretty much keep to himself and listen to music with his headphones on, that’s how  I remember him, cold and distant.

When I was 28 he and my Mum separated and divorced. I won’t go into the reasons for the marriage breaking down because it’s not relevant.  I think in the last 29 years I probably  saw my stepfather once, at the funeral of his 2nd son and my younger stepbrother. I feel sad for my step brothers though, because they have lost their father which must be heartbreaking for them.

I guess now that I  have written it down and read it back to myself, I  understand why I feel nothing. It’s because  I never really got to know him, he never met my daughters, so I guess that’s why I never thought of him as a father, and that is why I don’t know how miss him, or how I feel about him

So why did I want  to write this down, well what got me thinking about it today, Monday, was that I had to go for my monthly blood tests because I take some very strong medication for my Auto Immune Disorder. I wanted to write it down, so I could make sense of it in my head, and I’m glad I did as writing it down has really helped me to understand why I don’t feel anything g towards him, and I’m okay with the answers I found.

It’s just gone midnight, in the early hours of Tuesday morning. It’s my youngest daughter Erin’s 21st birthday today, the balloons and the banners are up, the presents and cards are laid out, tonight will be dinner with the family, the weekend just gone was all about partying with her friends. So feeling pretty proud and happy at the moment. My other 2 daughters will be 23 and 25 this year and I’m very proud to, this year is also my 25th wedding anniversary which also makes me very happy, all in all this year is going to be a good year .

Where the hell does the time go?

So in the words of  the truly great, Bill and Ted, “Party on dude”

Take care

Gary x

School Daze

I grew up in Mitcham, in the London Borough of Merton. My mother was Irish, Roman Catholic, my Dad was a London boy and slightly Church of England, which meant, of course, my younger brother and I were going to be raised as good Roman Catholic boys. Our first school was called St Peter & St Pauls Roman Catholic, Primary School. I would say it was your typical RC London school, too much religion for my liking, but hey it was what it was.

As I said it was your typical school. We had the guy who would eat a worm or a spider for a dare, there was the girl who would always do handstands and show you her knickers for the price of a sweet, and the kid who would always pee himself in the classroom because he was too scared of the teacher to put his hand up to go to the toilet because he was embarrassed about asking in front of others9that must have been tough). We even had a few of the 7/8 yr old kids who used to smoke behind the bike shed(this was the late 60s early 70s after all).

I was one of the quiet, awkward kids, who didn’t seem to quite fit in, I didn’t want to be noticed, hated being the center of attention, crap at sport, always one of the last to be picked for the football or rounders team, unlike my brother who was an excellent footballer and always one of the first to be picked for any team.

As a result of my awkwardness, quietness and constantly being off school sick I had a definite lack of confidence, friends, and my social skills were rubbish, it was also a time for me that would have a big impact on my relationship with the Catholic Church and it was called first Holy Communion, I hated studying for it, I didn’t want to do it and it turned out to be my first step in moving over to the dark side of moving over to atheism, for me the big battle would come when I reached 12 yrs old, the church and I were never going to be friends and 50 years later it’s still not for me, my Mum was never happy about my  lack of love with religion but she eventually came to accept it.

When I was 8  my parents divorced, this was a traumatic time for me, I didn’t understand what was going on, I never asked my brother how he felt about it, and I even started thinking it was my fault. Then our dad moved out and I turned into the antichrist, my brother and my mum became the focus of that anger.

By the time I’d started St Thomas of Canterbury, middle school, religion and me were on very thin ice. One of my teachers was a nun. If have you ever seen the nun in the film the Blues Brothers, she used the same punishment a rap across the knuckles with a wooden ruler which bloody hurt, her Maths lesson was always intertwined with religious stories which meant I would just switch off. I guess this was my first real experience of bullying, the next was the PE teacher who was a really nasty piece of work.

Now I know I keep referring to my poor health and at this time of my life, my egg allergy  caused fairly regular visits to St Georges Hospital, my chronic Asthma which would cause several bouts of Bronchitis a year and would put me in St Hiliers Hospital at least once a year, usually during the winter, cold air and London smog do not mix well.

Anyway back to the PE teacher, it was a really cold day, and very smoggy , My asthma was playing up, so I had brought a letter into school from my mum, to excuse me from cross country running, which was held on Mitcham Common, what this man did to me scarred me for the rest of my school days especially when it meant doing sport. After the teacher had read my mum’s note, he threw it in the bin then marched me into the gym in front of the class, he sat down put me across his knee pulled down my school shorts and slippered me with my own plimsole, whilst telling them I was a poof and a weakling for letting my asthma stop me from running which actually helps asthmatics, this was a mixed school so what he did was beyond embarrassing.

It was my final year at St Thomas’s, I was 12 yrs old and I had to do my confirmation after much arguing and fighting with my mother I went through with it, I had to or I wouldn’t get my new Blazer. I hated doing it, then the next day everything went bang, I was dragged in front of the Headmaster for laughing in assembly during the Lord’s prayer, I don’t know what started off my fit of giggles, but I just couldn’t stop. I was called into the headmaster’s office who was standing there with his cane in his hands, then I blurted out I hate God and I hate religion and I hate this bloody school. That was the last RC school I ever went to thankfully.

For my Last year living in London, I got to go to a school of my choice, Eastfields High School, a dream come true, Instead it turned into a nightmare, I ended up in the hospital and at home for 3 months because of my asthma. At 13 I moved with my family to West Sussex, for my sins, I had to go to Forest Boys Comprehensive school, I was told I wasn’t allowed to carry on with the subjects I had chosen the year before German, Art and general Science, instead, I was put into Drama, Geology and Social Economics.

As it turned out, these subjects were undersubscribed and there were no sets, I liked the teachers, funnily enough, I did well in these classes and got two of my highest grades. As  for my main subjects, my grades weren’t as good as they should have been, though that was partly down to the teachers who weren’t really interested in those students who weren’t in sets 1 or 2 in Maths and English, and partly down to me having finally given up on a school system that had given up on me.

But it didn’t stop me going to college, It didn’t stop me from traveling the world for 15 years in an amazing job, going to fantastic places, seeing some awesome sights and meeting some truly wonderful people. I have also finished my working career as I will soon be released on medical grounds from a totally amazing job within the NHS.

Everything has worked ok in the end, no grudges, no regrets.

I just want to be clear I don’t hate any religion, personally, I don’t think that religion would make me any better as a person, but if it helps you if it’s your thing That’s good.

“Carpe Diem”

Party on dude,

Gary x

Travelling

So in a previous life(1989 – 2007), I was lucky to have a few jobs in that allowed me to travel the world, meet some amazing people and see some amazing sights, and I got to do it all before I got too sick.

USA:- California, Colorado, New York, Vermont, West Virginia, Arizona, New Mexico, Oregon, Florida, Missouri, Massachusettes, Idaho, Maine, Texas, Pennsylvania.

Japan:- Tokyo, Nagoya. Fukuyama, Mito, Hitachi.

Hongkong

Taiwan;- Taipei, Tainan, Hsinchu, Kaohsiung.

Singapore:- Sentosa, Clarke Quay, Orchard Towers, Newton Circus, Tampines

France:- Grenoble, Corbeil-Essonnes, Paris, Lyon, Callais.

Germany:- Berlin, Dresden, Erfurt, Munich, Frankfurt, Leipzig, Freiberg, Chemnitz, Cologne.

Holland:- Nijmegen, Hengelo, Eindhoven.

Ireland:- Cork, Limerick, Shannon, Galway, Claregalway, Clifden, Dublin, Leixlip, Maynooth.

Israel:- JerusalemAshkelon, Ashdod, Kiryat Gat, Tel-Aviv

Italy:- Rome.

Switzerland:- Geneva

Canada:- Montreal.

I was very lucky I had the best job in the world, I got to do so many things, see so many sights, try so many different foods and cultures, so many good memories, so many photographs so many pamphlets, tickets, old passports and memorabilia saved. The best about being away was catching the flight home to my wife and kids.

This is why it is taking me a while to complete my memory book.

Take care

Gary x

Writing – Changing

The purpose of this piece is for me to get used to writing, so hopefully the more writing I do the better I get. I’m sure there are many spelling mistakes and grammatical errors as you read through this but this is about learning and finding what kind of writer I’m going to be, so all of your comments will be of great value. In September I start a 10 week creative writing workshop, hopefully, I will have figured out how to use the spelling & grammar checker by then. So please be kind, be brutal, but above all please be honest about what you think.

Title:- Changed

Last weekend I started reading the biography about an Idol of mine, comedian & Film star Robin Williams. Reading it brought up emotions of sadness because he’d died & happiness because he made me & the world laugh. The very first time I saw Robin Williams was on the tv show Mork & Mindy, it made me laugh so hard I would have tears rolling down my face.

In the book many people were saying he was a comic genius, a legend, a star, I think he was just bloody awesome. He was one of those actors whose films would always cheer me up, they would always make me smile and laugh especially when I was feeling down. In the book people he performed with said he was an amazing guy to work with, he was always trying to make people laugh on set, always willing to help fellow cast & crew out & always helping those in need & those less fortunate. One example of his compassion reported that he would always insist that any of the films he worked in must always hire a number of the local homeless population to work on the set.

After reading the introduction and all the comments from his friends, colleagues, and family,. It moved on to tell his story. It started with at the end of his story with talking about his death at the age 63 & by the end of that first page I could feel a lump in my throat & could feel tears welling up also. I remember feeling the same way when his death was announced back in 2014. It made me think about a film I had recently seen; it was a documentary called RobinWilliams – Inside My Mind. It had its funny moments but was filled with heartbreak & sadness, he was an amazing human being, full of energy and laughter, but it showed he was also just a man who had his own demons & flaws such as drinking, drugs, anxiety & depression.

I got a bit distracted again at this point & started thinking about my own demons, my own long-term battle with my crappy health, depression & anxiety. So I decided I wanted to get my own story down on paper to bare my soul so to speak then share it on here.

Here we go.

I’ve pretty much had poor health since birth, though my battle with depression & anxiety didn’t start until much later(obviously). In fact, it started around the same time as the bullying I was experiencing did. I was about 11 when the bullying started firstly because I was rubbish at sport & didn’t feel like I fit anywhere, then it got worse when I got my girlfriend who was of Sri Lankan parentage even though she was born here. the verbal abuse from both British Asian kids & White British kids was equally as bad & it even got physical a few times. Going through school was the worst for verbal.

I was 13 when my family moved from South London to West Sussex, not long after the move, my episodes of depression began to get more frequent, I hated the countryside back then, I hated moving away from my Grandparents, I didn’t like my stepfather and I missed London, I became a right little shit (so I’ve been told). Around the age of 16, I started drinking and smoking, not a lot but I started, then after I’d had a teenage meltdown, I was sent to live My Father & Stepmother for 2 years by the age of 18 my drinking & smoking had become very heavy in fact I had turned into a drunk but not an alcoholic. It was also at this I met a girl who would eventually become wife even though over the next 5 years I was an absolute shit towards her, yet she has never gave up on me (madness, even I’d given up on me), but this year will be our silver wedding anniversary,  25 years ago was also when I also cut down on the drinking.

Then 13 years ago I quit smoking & drinking altogether which ended up being a stroke of luck because 6 months later, I was made redundant from a job I loved, the company was closing down and moving back to the good old U.S of A, one good thing to come out of this time was the bullying was finally over.(I was bullied for many different reasons over the years, in fact, I think I must have had the words bully me written on my forehead).

About 18 months after the redundancy a tragedy occurred that affected me badly. There was a serious road traffic accident. On my way into work at  new job one morning I came upon a serious road traffic accident, there were 3 of us that stopped to help the people in the 2 cars that had collided, we had to try to get the man trapped in the first car out,  one of the guy’s broke a rear window so I could crawl halfway into the car to hold the trapped man’s head steady, talk to  him and stop him from hurting himself even more, at the same time the guy who had broken the window went around to the other side to try to gain access through the other door but with no luck, the third bloke stayed with the other driver trying to keep him calm.

The Police, Fire Rescue, and Paramedics were pretty quick, I explained to the paramedic what was going on with the injured driver whilst I had been with him. The police asked the 3 of us that had tried to help to wait by our cars to be interviewed individually. About 20 minutes after our statements a police officer came across to us and told that there was nothing that could have done to save him, that he had died from his injuries. He advised us that we should all go home due to the shock of what had happened. We drove off & the next thing I remember was sitting in my van outside the house. As I opened the front door I saw all the dried blood on my arms and hands, I looked up saw my wife then I just broke. I can’t remember how long she held me for, but I am so glad she hadn’t left for work. For the next 6 months, I couldn’t leave the house, I couldn’t even open the door, I’d also lost my job & it took me a long time to get over it.

For the next 18 months, I spent my time doing a lot of volunteering on conservation projects. I worked outside with a group of people with similar health problems, it was exactly what I needed to get better, getting back to nature and working with my hands again was the medicine I needed & it helped me find myself again, it helped me recover enough to look for another job, things were finally getting better.

8 years ago my physical health started to nosedive again, I began falling over at work, I was in constant pain, I was becoming forgetful & at times confused. Now, those of you that knew me back in my drinking days are probably thinking, hmmm sounds like you’re still a pisshead Gary, the problem was I had been off the sauce for 12 years(not fair). I saw the GP who sent me to a Rheumatologist who in turn diagnosed me with Fibromyalgia. None of the pain killers they tried me on came even close to helping with the pain. The GP then sent me off to see a pain specialist. I was told it was unlikely I’d never work again, that my life as I knew it was over & I would have learned new ways to do things I was then released on medical grounds from the company I worked for.

After all this I started to feel that I was losing control of my life, that nothing was under my control anymore, my anxiety & depression were rising again, my physical health was getting worse, there seemed to be very little out there to help me cope with what was happening, I started attending CBT courses, 3 in fact one after the other to try and help me cope, but it just wasn’t for me. My mental and physical health were spiralling downwards & I was having some very dark thoughts. I was getting really scared.

Then on a visit to a medical drop in centre I overheard 2 old dears talking about a free NHS service called the Expert Patient Programme which helped people living with long term health conditions to live better. I had never heard of it before but thought I might as well give it a go, if it had worked for them maybe it could help me. So when I got home I contacted the service and got myself booked onto the next available course near to where I lived. I wasn’t very confident before I went as nothing else had worked for me, Then I thought what did I have to loose? I turned up for the first session of the 6 week course, it would be 2.5 hours 1 day a week for 6 weeks. As I walked through the door I remember thinking, what the hell am I doing here? But as the course got going I remember thinking it felt very different from anything else I had done & asked myself again, is this really going to work for me?

After all the introductions we learned that the tutors were also living with their own long-term health conditions, they had all been participants & completed the course themselves. They said they’d gotten so much out of the course they decided to become volunteer Tutors, I mean volunteers, wow that really struck me. Another thing was they talked to us, not at us, they were engaging with us, not judging us but asking us to give it a go, after all, they were living proof that the service worked. So after I left that day I decided I would go back for week 2.

The things the tutors were saying to us made sense, the coping techniques they demonstrated actually worked. The tutors came across as positive, compassionate, and understanding people who got us, they really understood what we were going through, it showed us we were not alone, and it showed me it was ok to smile and laugh without feeling guilty. The change in me was massive and quick, by week 3 my wife was telling me she couldn’t believe the difference the course was making, I was more confident, positive & happier, that I was talking and laughing more. So on week 4, I plucked up the courage and asked if I could become a volunteer tutor. Now public speaking was some really scary shit for me, I knew I would be well outside my comfort zone.  But 4 months later I finished my training and 6 weeks after that I started delivering my first course. I loved it. Since then my health has had many ups and downs.

But the main thing was I had my various families to support me, there was my wife and 3 daughters, my brother and his family, my work family & my fellow tutor’s & participant family. Then 2 years ago a dream came true for me, not only was I a volunteer tutor but I was also working as the Expert Patient Programme Administrator, it was a job I loved & life was good. Then 11 months ago my health decided to nosedive again & I was placed on long term sick leave. I’m still off sick now but in 3 weeks time, I will be going through the process of being released on medical grounds. This time though things will be different as I am far more prepared this time. I have been looked after supported & helped by my friends at work & my family at home, which includes my lovely Dog Dora.

I’ve started making a long term plan, which is to become a writer, what type of writer I will be I don’t know yet, but I’m enjoying the journey now that it has started, with all the reading writing and blogging I am doing these day’s I know one day it will happen.

There really is no way to thank all the people in my life who have helped and supported me over the last 8 years, but I love you all because you have all helped me arrive where I am today.

So now it’s on to the next chapter fo me although I will still be looking forward to coffee with the boss and volunteering in the office with my colleagues when I can. There’s no chance of work getting rid of me completely I’m afraid. The Service is known as EPP for short but is also known as the Living Well Course. If you like the sound of it & fancy giving it a go, make the call you have nothing to lose & everything to gain, it worked for me after all. I’ve written this in the hope that my story may help some of you.

Take care

Gary

Ok, so I am going to go a little bit Hollywood now &  thank some of the people who have helped me get to this point in my life.

So First to my Mum who never gave up on me even though I could be a right little shit(apparently), Thank you to my long-suffering wife Tracey, to my 3 yes 3 beautiful grown-up daughters Sian, Keri & Erin who’ve put up with my bad sense of humour on a daily basis. I’d like to thank my workmates Karen the Boss & Natalie (aka Danny Dyer) & Sue the co-ordinator’s who’ve had to put up with me being such an awesome administrator in my opinion. To all the amazing tutors & participants I have met along the way & last but not least some good friends, to Marion who was also my mum’s best friend We should meet up for a coffee soon, to Shelly & Ian who helped me get through the first couple of years and introduced me to the lovely Jenner & Ken who allowed me into there lives, I know I’m crap at keeping in touch & I need to rectify that.

Finally, to all those, I have not mentioned but are just as important.

Thank you all so much.

And finally again, a big thank you to Robin Williams for making me laugh, for making me cry, for being a hero to me & whose story has inspired me to write this piece.

Day 6, My First Attempt

The next post will be my first attempt at writing, if you have the time please read through it and let me know what you think about it, honesty please.

I want writing to become a big part of my life’s reading has. So I need to start sharing, I need to start getting pieces written and out there for all to see.

The first piece I have written how my life has changed over the last 7 years and how I have I have become the person I am today. A pretty positive one.

A little heads up on what I am living with health wise these days. I have allergies to eggs, fowl and peanuts. I live with anxiety, depression, Asthma, Type 2 Diabetes, Osteoporosis (spinal damage), undiagnosed MS (Spinal cord liaison), Neuropathy, Tested positive for Sarcoidosis (in remisson) and to top it all off Fibromyalgia.

What Do You See?

 

What do you see, when you look at me?

Do you see a man with a different way of thinking for getting form A to B,

Or a different way of physically getting from here to there,

Do you see the labels, disabled, crippled, broken, second class, scrounger,

I don’t want to be like this, I don’t want you to think like that,

Being different like I am is not a way of living we choose,

Being different is about choosing how we live because we are this way,

If I need help, I have learned to ask, if I don’t I have learned to say No,

And we must be polite when we do so,

We need acceptance for who we are, to be respected, to be equals,

We need love when we feel down, understanding when frustrated,

Friendship when lonely, and need help when we can’t manage,

We have the same likes such as, sport or reading or going to the beach,

And the same dislikes, taxes, racism or not being in charge of the TV remote.

We also have likes

The occasional beer and a pizza, a Larger and a nice hot ruby,

(a Ruby = Ruby Murray = Curry)

the chance to go to a concert or see a  film at the cinema,

everyone needs there relationships,

Someone to love, to laugh with, to cry with,

And those that get us and see past the differences,

For some our differences are visible, whilst for others, they are not so much,

But it’s okay to ask us about our differences, we don’t bite unless you want us to,

So don’t be a stranger, come and say hi, just try not to stare it’s not very nice,

Don’t pity us, understand us, don’t blame us, get to know us,

Were as human as you, with a little bit extra, or a little bit less,

We laugh, we cry, we live, we die, we also have a wicked, even dark sense of humour,

Please don’t dismiss us, or ignore us, do not pity us, or feel sorry for us,

Listen when we talk, understand what we need and help if we ask, please,

But we must also do our part,

We must listen when you talk, understand when you need, be a friend when you need,

But communication cut’s both ways and both way’s must get better,

We’re really not that different if we only take the chance and let each other in,.

We’re all only human after all.

 

Practicing my scribblings I hope you like, not sure it could be classed as poetry, I just needed to get it out. (The words that are, not anything else), see Humour.

Take care

Gary x

 

 

Day 4 Wheels

Damn the pain is crazy bad today in my neck and spine, legs are like jelly. Definitely  having a crap morning, overdid it yesterday.

It ended up as a wheelchair day today, I know I need to be using it a lot more these days. I just need to stop thinking about how others will look at me. I was the same when I started using a stick. Stupid I know but I can be Bloody stubborn at times

Shock horror, using the chair worked, I was able read a large part of the book “Writing the damn book” which I’m pleased about, and I ended up getting down loads of ideas, possible titles and a couple of mind maps. So it’s ended up being a really productive day. A small step closer to writing a book myself.

Take care

Gary x

 

Day 3 The Nature Reserve

Another beautiful sunny day

Ok, so today is a me day.

Dora took me for a short walk this morning, luckily she walks even slower than I do which is a plus. I loved every minute of it and even though the walking part is agony and I know will pay for it later. I’d planned for this and to me, it’s worth the extra pain, to do something I rarely get to do anymore. I really loved going for daily walks with her back when we could both manage it. Anyway, we made it back home in one piece and sat around in the garden, me drinking coffee waiting for my books to arrive and Dora sleeping. Exactly what we needed after the walk.

Books arrived, can’t wait to start reading them.

Once the wife home from work, I got my camera gear ready. She’s going to drop me off at the local nature reserve on her way into town.

I have a bit of a ritual when I  go to the reserve before I do anything I have a cup off coffee and a small packet of Jelly Babies.

Once the refreshments were out of the way I made my way to the hide to observe nature. I just love sitting there overlooking the large pond watching the birds that were there Heron’s, Coots, Terns, Great Crested Grebes, a Cormorant, and some seagulls.

What caught my attention though was a pair of broad bodied chasers (Dragonflies) one blue the other yellow. They were chasing each other backward and forward with brief periods of mating whilst flying. Now I love photographing dragonflies though it’s not easy as they are so damn fast I managed to get a couple of half-decent ones, which you can see below.

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With about 30 minutes to go, I made my way back to the cafe, it was too late for a coffee so I went over to the chicken coup that they have to take a couple of chicken pics for my youngest daughter who loves chickens. I think the came out ok.

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So now it’s blog time then bedtime, I’m completely knackered.

Bring on tomorrow a day of reading, writing and relaxing,

Take care

Gary x

A good day

Day 2 of the journey#

Good start to the day managed to get through e-mails and twitter in record time this morning and I was able to get yesterdays blog published as I had misjudged how long it would take last night, lesson learned started earlier tonight, result

Out in the garden again updating my journaal listening to kiss (the band not the radio station) and the coffee is tasting good.

Not sure what is going on, police with there blues and two’s on racing down the A29 to Adversane. Now there’s a police helicopter flying around overhead. Popped to the shop to get a coke zero and saw a van load of coppers heading towards the A29 as well,  police helicopter has been up there for about 40 mims now.

Heard later there was an armed robbery in one incident and in another incident a woman was killed in a road accident on the A29 at Adversane.

Managed to finish the book “Get Your Sh*t Together” reccomend it to everyone. Tomorrow I have a new book arriving, called “Write the Damn Book” for creative people who have a hard time finishing things. Very apt for me.

Hoping to go to the nature reserve tomorrow with my camera, I love going there because it is so peaceful and the cafe make a nice cuppa coffee.

onwards and upwards, let’s see what tomorrow brings

Lets be careful out there

Gary x

 

 

Day 1, The Journey Begins.

For the last few months I’ve pretty much been drifting along like one of those tumbleweeds you see in the movies. Thing is at some point in the next month I will be given notice due to illness at my place of employment and it s all very amicable.

so about a week ago I started reading a book that I got for my Birthday. The book is called “Get Your Sh*t Together” by Sarah Knight. Now I have plenty of experience in setting long term and short term goals, but I’d lapsed, no motivation, lots of things I wanted to do, but I had turned into the great procrastinator, I couldn’t be arsed.

Anyway the book has given me the kick up the arse I needed to start making plans (about bloody time) for my future, to live heathier, earn a living and make time for doing the things that I want and need to do. The book is humorous, uses a lot of profanities about the serious subject of planning for the future, writing lists and setting goals, the perfect book for me, I reccomend it to anyone.

GOALS

Long term – To earn a living from writing and to lose weight

Short term – Create structure in my life by using weekly timetables. The timetables will be further broken down into daily tasks of what needs to be done and what I must do  by prioritising  each task.

I feel really positive and confident that I am doing this the right way and for the right reasons, the main ones being it’s what I need to do and what I want to do.

Ok, day 1, The journey begins. 23/05/2019

I  booked myself onto a creative writing course starting in September 2019.

Went down the village collected my bag of medication and got my haircut, two birds with one stone.

Researched helpful websites, subscribed to a YouTube programme, joined a couple of mailing lists and purchased a couple of books.

ME TIME – sat in the garden with my dog Dora, sunshine on my back, the sound of tmany birds singing in the trees and jotting ideas down in my journal. Perfection and one of the most important tasks on my daily timetable.

After lunch I met with my Boss, we went for a coffee and a chat about my impending  release from my job on medical grounds and chatting over my plans for the future.

It’s been a job I’ve loved doing with an amazing team of people. I can truly say I will miss the job and miss working for the NHS. It has been an honour and a pleasure, and I will definitely be keeping in touch with my workmates.

After getting back home from meeting up with my boss I took a bit of time to reflect on everything  we had spoken about, I updated my jornal whilst sitting in the garden with my dog who laid there fast asleep cooking in the sun pretending to listen to me, this is not being lazy but me making sure I don’t overdo things,  today was a good day, which has helped me feel a little more positive for the future

I am going to make a blog each day with updates on my progress, as I  think this will be a good platform for me on my journey, writing about my plans, my health and any situations and observations I encounter. The aim will be to publish my blog at the end of each day.

Be kind to each other, please leave comments and criticism’s, always appreciated even though I can’t guarantee I will act on them

Gary x

Choices

Something that was said to me on Friday got stuck in my head and it niggled away in the back of my mind over the weekend.

Then I saw a film yesterday that struck a chord with me and with the comment that was made on Friday. The film was called “Choices”. Now I wouldn’t normally watch a love story, but the wife and eldest were watching it on the tv.

At this point I would just like to say that these types of film are not my guilty pleasure.

Anyway, the film had a very strong message, not just about the love between two people but also about choices. It doesn’t  matter how big or how small the choices we make are, because for us as people they can both be life altering.

This morning I started reading a new book, it is helping me think about why I have made the decision to make the changes I want and need in my now.  The book I am reading is called:

Get your sh*t together

How to stop worrying about what you should do

so you can finish what you need to do

and start doing what you want to do

By Sarah Knight

Though this book has a serious message, it is explained with a lot of humour and a lot of swearing, which I find refreshing and easy to grasp, because of that I know this will help me with the process planning the next steps in a way that makes sense to me.

It seems that these occurrences  over the last 4 days are probably the universe telling me to get of my ar*e and get on with it.

I know it is something I am passionate about and I know that is what I want to do, I have many questions to research to find the answers I need and I also to get some advice from people I completely trust.

Watch this space

Go well

Gary x

Changes

It’s been a little while since my last post.

Things are starting to change change for me at this time due to my ongoing health conditions, my time working for the NHS, a place I love to work with people I love to work with. I think I will miss this part most of all.

Hopefully though I will still be able to volunteer for them in some capacity my health permitting as the service is very important to me.

This morning was my formal meeting with the HR department to formalise the next step in leaving, a very friendly and amicable meeting, now I just wait for the next meeting and the final decision.

Back home now, feeling a little flat as this is the start of a door closing on a very happy part of working life. I will still be in touch with and involed with EPP so at least I still have that side but I will miss the work.

Anyway the sun is shining and I am ing the garden typing up my blog whist the lovely Dora chases rabbits in her sleep on the lawn, I was horrible and woke her up for the picture then she immediately went back to sunbathing and chasing rabbits.

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I’ve known my leaving the NHS has been on the cards for a while now, so I have started making plans.

Firstly looking after myself and being more assertive, saying no when I need to, by listening to what my body is telling me.

Secondly is just enjoying the moment, living  one day at a time. Doing things I love listening to music, reading a book, waatching the world go by listening to the sounds in my garden (Though this does not include the sounds of my neighbour’s arguing, or the many children screaming shouting or fighting)

On a football note West Ham won there last two games of the season and finished 10th COYI and Brighton managed to stay up by the skin of there teeth. Though I do not support The Seagulls myself good luck with finding a top manager for next season.

This week it’s my Birthday, I can’t believe I will be 57 on Friday and will resist the urge to eat baked beans that day. I think it is true what they say that when you have kids time speeds up as my daughters will be 25, 23 & 21 this year yet in my head I still think I’m 32, the year I got married to my wife, the year my eldest was born  and luckily I was a lapsed Catholic for obvious reasons. I’m guess what I’m trying to say is grab life as tight as you can and wring the life out of it and I consider myself very lucky that, that is what I have always tried to do.

Finally I just want to say I have finished reading  the latest 2 books, the first is called “Why are you pretending to be Normal” a book I’ve read before, but have found to be really helpful, it’s about living with disabilities and impairments, learning new ways of looking, thinking and talking about them, the stories techniques are from people who are already using them to live there lives

The second book is called “This is going to hurt” Secret diaries of a junior Doctor by Adam Kay. The book made me laugh so hard at times I had tears rolling down my cheeks, his sense of humour and compassion shines through but ultimately left me heartbroken.

everybody that has used, will use and does use our amazing NHS should read it and reccomend it.

Thank you for listening to my ramblings

Remember live, laugh, love but don’t, live, love, laugh or your partner may get annoyed with you.

Love you all, take care, Gary

Just for good luck  COYI.

 

 

Balance

For me each day is a balance between being what I consider is normal for me, or what I would class as cream crackered/barely functioning. So what I try to aim for is anywhere below cream crackered, which makes recovering a lot easier.

yesterday I took a the bus into town, which for people that know me causes a lot of pain to my neck and back, at the moment though it’s safer than me driving the car. I know that some of you will ask “why would you want to put yourself through that?” Well the answer is easy, I had a meeting that was very important to me, so I plan for these these days carefully and well in advace.

On the occasions I am able to get out of the house and socialise, or even go somewhere I I can sit have a coffee and people watch, which can be such good fun.

On this occasion though I was meeting up with a friend from work who I hadn’t seen for a while. I’ve been really looking forward to seeing her and catching up. She’s always been very supportive to me and knows all about the health condition’s I live with,  which means I feel extremely comfortable in her company and also means I don’t have to pretend that everthing is OK,  and I can just enjoy being me. It was so nice sitting, talking and drinking coffee, unfortunately I probably talked her ears off.

Somebody once said to me these moments are food for the soul, now I’m not a religous person but, the phrase has a really nice ring to it, to me if it means it makes you feel good inside, then I agree.

Now I also had two more surprise encounters which I would class as food for the soul yesterday. The first was bumping into my boss who was in town with her Mum. It’s always lovely to see the boss and have a chat as she is another wonderful person I feel comfortable being around.  It was also lovely to meet and have a chat to her Mum who is reading the same book as I am at the moment ” East of Croydon by Sue Perkins”, it was really nice talking about he book as we are both roughly at the same part in it, so no spoilers.

What a great day it was turning into for me in the space of two hours I got to meet  three wonderful ladies.

Okay, so was it possible that my day could get any better, well actually it COULD, as i met up with my youngest daughter, who was on her lunch break, she hadn’t had a great  morning at work so the little present I had got for her (a jewelry hanger) cheered her up a bit and I treated her to a lunch of cheese and Broccoli pastry with an Apple & Caramel Danish, she always puts a smile in my heart, but then  that goes for my wife and all three of my daughter.

After saying my goodbyes to my daughter, I was a bit naughty and bought myself a bag of chips  with lashings of salt & vinegar to have whilst I waited for my bus, which to my surprise was actually on time.

What a great day, I felt so lucky I went and bought a lottery ticket but I haven’t checked the numbers yet.

Anyway sometimes I feel it is worth the extra pain for a few hours just so you can do something you really want to. Time now for a lazy day,  so it’s earphones in and The Clash on the play.

Take care and be kind to each other, Gary

A Good Bank Holiday Weekend

Good Friday

Had a really good day today, I decided on Wednesday that I wanted to go to the local nature reserve tomorrow  (Saturday).

So I spent today preparing for my trip to the reserve. I went through my camera equipment selected and cleaned the lenses that I thought I might need,  after I charged the camera batteries, cleaned and tidied my camera bag, then repacked it with what I would take.

Sometimes I think the planing, anticipation and preparation  is almost as good as actually going.

Saturday

Great start to the day by going for a little walk with my Dog. Loved it as it has been a long time since we’ve been able to go for a walk together.

The Wife dropped me off at the Nature reserve. it was a very hot day, so before going into the reserve, I bought a coffee renewed my membership then sat outside the cafe to drink my coffee. unpacked my camera and took some test shots.

There wasn’t much wildlife about as it was too hot for them. I slowly made my way through the grounds taking plenty of rests and enjoying the views of the pond. then I found myself in a quiet spot in the woodland area found a bench to sit on and just watched all the families rushing around doing the easter egg hunt, had a fantastic day and didn’t take a single picture.

It’s not always about the picture , sometimes it’s about just enjoying the moment and your surrounding’s.

Also another one of my monthly bucket list challenges started.

Easter Sunday

What a glorious day, lovely and warm, I spent most of the day sitting in the Garden in the shade reading my book that I got on Friday, It’s called “Harry’s Last Stand” by Harry Leslie Smith and by late afternoon I had finished reading it, haven’t read like that in a long time, I really could not put it down. I followed Harry on Twitter, as like me he is a socialist. the book covers his life from his birth in  1923, through the impoverished time’s of the 1920’s and the great depression of the 1930’s, his part in the as part of the RAF during world war II, his life as a happily married family man. He compares his unique experiences from a child growing up in a time of austerity during the great depression, to the austerity we have been going through since 2010. the similarities are frighteningly undeniable. I am not ashamed to admit his story brought a tear or two to my eyes, but the one thing running through the book was the strength that he possessed to get through everything that came his way, but also there was his optimism for the future, that people will create the kind of society that works for everybody and leaves nobody behind. Reading this book has awakened my love of reading again, which I lost when i became unwell back in 2012.

This book and its message gives me hope for the future and my children’s future.

For the evening the brother-in-law came over for a nice chilled out family roast dinner, perfect end to a lovely day

Bank Holiday Monday

For me today will be a day of rest to let my body recover a bit. I shall mainly watch a bit of tv, sit in the sun with the dog, I’ve already chosen my next book it’s called “East of Croydon” by Sue Perkins. based on her tv show where she travelled around Asia, great series so I am looking forward to starting the book.

Going to call my Godson later to see if he can pop round sometime this week to do me a quote on running power to my shed, maybe he will even be able to do the work for me, paid of course.

Also looking forward to a planned coffee morning with a work colleague on Friday morning.

Have decided that I will need to rest up Tuesday as well.

What a perfect weekend

Take care of each other

Gary

 

Pain

Oooh Hospital again

So Today was my second visit to the Pain management clinic at Charring Cross Hospital in London, 4 weeks ago the new medication they got me to try was an Opioid called Tapentadol which caused some horrible side effects.

In the past 7 years I’ve had many treatments and medications to try to help with my constant widespread pain.

First I was tried on Gabapentin & Pregabalin they’re epilepsy drugs which are also used to treat nerve pain, horrible side effects and weight gain.

Then they tried me on Amitripyline then Tramadol again side effects but no pain relief.

I was then tried on codeine phosphate which caused me to have  hallucinations but also did nothing for the pain

Next they gave me a Steroid injection into my lower back , but it didn’t help to reduce the pain.

3 years ago they tried me on a 3.5 hour  steroid infusion spread over 2 days, but again a few minor side effects but no pain relief..

Today’s visit to the pain management centre involved a 10 mg Ketimine which worked really well got me as high as a kite and for the first time in 7 years I was pain-free, straight after the injection I was put on a Lidocaine which they were hoping would reset my nerve pain levels back to Zero.

The  infusion lasted for about an hour, for the first half hour I laid there bid smile on my face listening to queen blast out on my head phones, for me at that point I thought life couldn’t get any better. Sadly I was right, as the Ketimine started to wear off the pain started returning legs first, then spine and Neck.

Now I am back Home it’s 9pm and all the pain has returned, back to the levels I have now become used to. I’m still glad I tried the treatment as it may have ment I might have been able to return to my job which I love doing. Two good things about today I got to go up to LOndon with the wife and youngest daughter and during the treatment I got to listen to one of my favourite albums Queen’s greatest Hits uninterrupted, just hope I wasn’t singing out loud.

Till the next time, look after yourselves,

Gary

 

Football

Okay so good and bad this weekend, first the bad The Hammers lost away again on Saturday at Old Trafford against Man Utd 2 – 1, so still no away win in 2019, but we have over 40 points so we are safe from going down this season.

On the plus side the West Ham women’s team beat Reading in the FA cup semi – final on penalties and now face Manchester City in the FA cup final, fantastic result.

I started going to Upton Park in 1983 when the great John Lyall was manager in the old first division Tony Cottee was top scorer that year, the legend that is Billy Bonds was Captain, it was the great Trevor Brookings last season, at the back and Alan Devonshire on the wing. ive seen many great players over the years, Julian Dicks, John Moncur, Paolo Di Canio, Frank Lampard jnr, Rio Ferdinand, Joe Cole, Martin Allen, Mark Ward,Ludo Miklsoko, Steve Potts, John Moncur, Steve Lomas, Jermaine Defoe, Frederic Kanoute, Marc-Vivien Foe, Trevor Sinclair, Glen Johnson,  Ian Pearce, Tomas Repka, Yossi Benayoun, Mark Noble, Teddy Sheringham, Bobby Zamora, Carlos Tevez, Matty Etherington, James Collins, Phil Parkes, Alvin Martin, Frank McAvennie, John Hartson, Slaven Bilic, Stuart Pearce,

 

I grew up in South London, so for me my local teams were Tooting & Mitcham, Crystal Palace or Wimbledon but none appealed to me. For me finding the team I have supported since 1974 has been West Ham United and was down to my Grandfather and his for the team he had supported since the late 1920’s. I would sit with him on a saturday afternoon watching world of sport and waiting for the teleprinter to come up with the football scores and pools results, all the time I would be  listening to stories of the greats Moore, Hurst, Peters and god knows how many times I heard how West Ham had won the World cup for England I was hooked. When I started following them the Great Ron Greenwood was still manager and he introduced the free-flowing style of football based on the Hungarian style. two years later Ron was managing England.

To me West Ham are the greatest team in the world and every year they put you through the emotional wringer. all the games I have seen were played on the hallowed ground of Upton Park, I watched games from all 4 stands the atmosphere in the Chicken run (east stand) though was the best, most games I saw though were from the front row of the West stand. the best ever atmosphere though was on Tuesday night games under floodlight with the stadium singing I’m forever blowing bubbles, it was so emotionally charged the hairs would stand up on the back of your neck.

I miss those afternoons with my Grandfather and his stories and I miss those days at Upton park watching West Ham playing the beautiful game. One of the nicest things for me was being able to attend games with my wife and all 3 of my daughters, so at least I know I passed something Important on.

Now all I have to do is watch them play at the London Stadium a few times a year which you may have noticed is no my Bucket List.

Take care

Gary

Bucket List

Okay, so in my last blog I said I was going to write down a new bucket list. I had actually started thinking about what I wanted to do, how big or small I wanted the actions to be, Whether I wanted it to be big things like “I want to run the London  Marathon” or something small like “I want to make a model airplane”.

Any way here goes.

My Bucket List.

  •  1.  Attend at least 5 West Ham home games next season.
  •  2.  Get out and about with my Camera at least twice a month.
  •  3.  Go on a UK weekend break this year.
  •  4.  Work. Find something I can do from home, something creative
  •  5. Go out for coffee with a friend at least once a month.
  •  6.  Get power  installed into my shed.
  •  7.  Write my blog at least once a week.
  •  8.  Do a creative writing course.
  •  9.  Read a book a month.
  •  10. learn to make the best Chilli oil & Chilli sauce  possible.

 

So here is the list that I came up with. I am not saying I have to do all these, but try to do some of them.

Take care

Gary

A Better day

Damn, what a difference a good nights sleep makes, and it’s been a while since I’Ve had one of them.

Pain levels are still high, but mentally feeling less stressed out and low, so today I’m just spending time chilling, I have things I need to do, but I’ve decided they can wait until tomorrow.

My youngest daughter has been promoted to supervisor where she works and has been taken on full-time as well, great news as she is saving up to go to University next year, to follow her dream of becoming an actress and writer.

Today my wife has gone up to Oxford to see our middle daughter who will soon be starting her preparations  to begin her year 3 nursing degree after a short period of ill-health.

My eldest daughter  is starting to look for a new job or got back into full-time education because where she works now will be closing down in October, She is also looking at doing a 3 month solo trip around europe which will be amazing for her.

Finally my wife is hoping to go to a wedding in Toronto, Canada in July, for the marriage of her oldest friends second daughter, which will be an emotional reunion.

For me, well I have decided to re-write my bucket list,  hopefully it will be good fun and also help me to come up with some good ideas on which direction I want my life to go in once work is finished.

Live…..Love…..Laugh, but not necessarily in that order.

Take care

Gary